To My Challenging Child

I am so blessed to be a mother. It is something I wanted from the time I was a young child and my dream has come true several times over! God has been so good and so gracious to me in motherhood. It is my greatest blessing and my greatest accomplishment!

I don't know about your situation with your children, but one of my children is very challenging. To handle, to discipline, to teach, and admittedly.. sometimes even to like. Dare I say it? Sometimes this child is hard to love. To type those words seriously makes me cringe. To read them may make you cringe. Or maybe you can relate? Maybe you've been feeling exactly the same way, but haven't been able to openly say so?

I would like to share with you what I wish every mother knew about my life with my challenging child. I want to tell you what I *wish* I could say to this child of mine. This child will never truly know how it feels to be the mom... unless this child is blessed with a like-minded child of their own!!

To my challenging child,
There are days. Hard, difficult days. Days that I go to my bathroom, close the door, and cry out to the Lord with tears streaming down my face. Begging for Jehovah Jireh to help me, because I feel like a failure.

There are days. Days that I give myself a pep talk. God gave me you, because He picked me out to be *your* mom! He knew that you would challenge me as a mother and yet He knew that I needed you! He knew that my relationship with you would draw me closer to Him.

There are days. Days that I petition God for buckets full of wisdom. Wisdom to parent you in a way that will be beneficial and helpful for you. While also helping you to understand discipline, sinfulness, and repentance.

There are days. Days that I question God. I question how can I keep going? I question if I can do this for the rest of the day, week, month, year(s)? I question if I handled that situation in a way that was honoring to the Father and to you? I question why God would give me a child that is such a challenge to parent.

There are days. Days that I am embarrassed of your behavior as you have a troublesome moment with another child. When you throw a fit, roll your eyes, stomp your foot, and pull away from me while I attempt to talk you through an arduous occasion. Days that I want to throw my hands in the air and give up. Days that I question over and over again how I could have handled "that" differently.

I have many days that I spend on my knees prayerfully asking the Lord to help me be the mother you need. I do not believe in letting you get away with sinfulness in your heart or mind. I long for you to be the best adult created by God that He has planned for you! So yes, I have days... lots of days... that are oh so hard!

However, I also want you to know this...

I love you fiercely. When you are hard to love, then I pray for God to make me love you even more! Despite the calamity of tough days... I am proud of you! I am proud to call you mine! I am proud that you are such a wonderful sibling and always willing to drop whatever you're doing to be a servant of the Lord and help me, your dad, or someone else who may need you!

Those prayers I pray? Are to help you use your strong-will and strength for the glory of God!

Those tears that fall? Are caught by the hands of our Almighty Father as He wipes away my tears so that I am better equipped to wipe away yours.

That pep talk I give myself? Is because I know that God has amazing plans for you! You, who love to stand strong upon your truth, will stand upon the truth of God as a mighty warrior for God's kingdom one day! Especially as our world continues to destruct.. I know you won't!

The wisdom I beg God for? Is so that I can be knowledgeable in God's word. So that as your parent and as your teacher, then I can help you be intelligent too. So that you will be clothed in the armor of God in your every day walk with Jehovah.

The days that I question God? Are because He longs to grow me closer to Him. Bringing me into a better relationship with Him. So I will draw nearer Him and allow Him to be my peace. Isaiah 30:15 says that when I rest in Him then I will find my salvation and when I am quiet and trust in Him, then He is my confidence. He speaks rest and wisdom over me, so that I can be the mother I need to be for you!

When I am embarrassed, then I know the Lord is further breaking my need to be a people-pleaser. The Holy Spirit continues to humble me when I am fearing man's thoughts of me more than His thoughts of me. He brings me to tears of repentance for my selfishness. The truth is... what is most crucial is shaping your heart to be more like Jesus. God continues to stifle any prideful moments in me that like to rear their ugly head!

So yes, child of mine, as challenging as life can be.. I am glad that I get to be your mom! I am glad to call you my child. I am grateful that when I am difficult to love, then God doesn't give up on me. Rest assured, sweet child of mine, that I will never give up on you either! You are a child of the King and I know the Holy Spirit will mold you, because God has shown me over and over again that He has big plans for you! Your strong-will, your tenaciousness, your driven nature, and your outspoken opinions are sure to be used to the glory of God! It is my hope that as I continue to cultivate my relationship with the Lord that I will grow to be a little more like you!