Killer words

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

This is one of my favorite verses. One I pray often with our children as much as for myself. 

Many years ago, the words of my mouth used to be everything except pleasing to the Lord. Sarcasm dripped from my mouth like bitter molasses. Strong, slow, and purposeful. I was full of contention and complaint. You know the verse in the Bible that to live on the corner of a roof is better than to live inside a home with a contentious woman? That was me... I was that woman. It's shocking that my marriage survived the many years that antagonism plagued me. Complaint was readily upon my lips. 

Sarcasm is easily spoken to someone [you love] and then tauntingly pulled back by saying, "I was only joking!" As in.. it's your problem for taking offense to that, because it was just a joke! All the while... there's always truth in that sarcastic joke. I used to be so very sarcastic in cutting down my husband's personhood. Who he was and what he was about. Emasculating him in a major way and making him feel like he wasn't good enough. What husband wants to be with a wife like that? What husband could look forward to providing for and coming home to a woman like that?

It's not easy for me to admit these things openly. However, I share them with great confidence in the redeeming power of our God, because I am not that woman anymore! 

I loved finding fault in others and while much of this is something I was taught to do... I also have to take responsibility for my own actions. I was wrapped up in a world of gossip and found fault with everyone for the smallest of infractions. I had no grace for other people and was so bitter in my own life.  

I would love to tell you there was a turning point in my life that made me realize how wrong I was. Unfortunately, I cannot do that. It was only by the grace of God I started realizing that everything I had to say was negative. My husband pointed it out to me a few times too. I finally reached a point in my life that I decided to start looking for good! It took much prayer, but no matter how annoyed I was I chose not to voice it. I chose to keep it to myself and pray about it. I chose to start finding anything good I could think of from every annoyance that surrounded me.

Laundry keeps piling up --> Atleast we have clothes to wear
My husband snores --> Atleast I know he's breathing
The waitress was rude --> Maybe she just got some really bad news and is scared
That car is in my way --> Maybe the Lord is keeping me from a wreck up ahead
Our kids aren't listening to me --> Atleast I have children who are healthy & well

Do you see? Even though life annoyances are real and true... I can have understanding for those hardships while still finding a positive about them. I am not at all saying this is easy. Especially in the beginning. I *am* saying it's possible to do!!

Now, so many years later... I no longer complain about the small annoyances of life. I do not find myself looking for fault in others. Sarcasm no longer drips from my words and contention is far from my being. In Psalm 19:14 it says, "My rock and my Redeemer" because God can transplant us from the sin we are in and set us up on solid rock, a firm foundation! Redeemer is the Hebrew word goel and means kinsman-redeemer. A kinsman redeemer buys their relative out of slavery when the "slave" cannot pay for himself. He rescues him from total loss and ruin. King David (who wrote this Psalm) looked to God as his Kinsman-Redeemer. 

I also know that God redeemed me from the sins of my mouth and the meditations of my prideful heart. In doing so, it truly saved my marriage! It is only through knowing that God can redeem you of your sin that you can relinquish these sins unto Him. If you are not true to yourself about what sin you're in or you choose to ignore the fact that your words aren't pleasing to Him and the people surrounding you, then there's no hope for Him to redeem your words & thoughts. We must be real and open ourselves up to the fact that the words of our mouth are as deadly and as sinful as a loaded weapon. 

So what will you choose? Will you choose for your words and thoughts to be redeemed and therefore pleasing to the Lord or will you once again load your weapon and aim for the one who is closest in your path? Your child? Your spouse? Your coworker? 

Start looking for the beauty among the ashes and finding gratitude in the mundane...

Let the Lord be your Kinsman-Redeemer too! Let Him set you free from killer statements & thoughts!