Words For Better or Words For Worse?

I grew up in a home where words were used to bring harm. A playful jest that was only truly fun for the jester. Yells & screams of imperfection haunted me by those I longed to please most. Words spoken over me that wrought fear of uncertainty and unknowns within my bones. 

It wasn't until I got married that I realized the damaging words that encased my heart. It was then that I used those same words to bring harm to my new husband. Our marriage was deteriorating in the few short months since we had both donned our wedding bands. A kind, courageous friend pulled me aside one day and spoke the truth with love to me. A truth that shook my core. "You're not a nice wife", she told me. She explained to me how she had seen my bullying, emasculating, and hateful words to tear my husband down. The sad part was... I knew it was all true. I had done that & I felt utter shame.

But why?

It shattered the very being of who I was but the answer was quite simple. Using my words in that sort of way was all I had ever known.

Thirteen years later and that man is a rock in my life and we are so very happily in love. I am grateful to God every day for saving our marriage.  I rejoice that the Father gave him to me to do life with! 

Candidly I share with you, I continue to be redeemed over the words I choose. I am still a work in progress.

That friend and I have since parted ways as we both moved to different states. Now, the Holy Spirit pulls me aside and whispers truths into my spirit... and lately he's continued to show me more about the words I speak.

Isaiah 58:13 says “If you call the Sabbath a delight, and the holy day of the Lord honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, seeking your own pleasure, or talking too much; then you will delight in the Lord.”

You see I've learned, our words are a developed picture of our heart. Matt. 15:18 says that what is in our hearts comes out of our mouths. Psalm 19:14 requests for the Lord to make the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart pleasing to Him for He is my rock & redeemer!  My words can defile others (Matt 15:11) and my words can oppress, rebel, and disgust the Lord (Isaiah 59:13)

Like the fires in Gatlinburg,TN that began with a small piece of brush from wildfires in the chimney tops destroyed more than 15,000 acres of mountains, our words have the same power. James 3:5-6 says, “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”

Pic courtesy of The Watchers

 In Isaiah 6:6-7 Isaiah’s lips are purified by an angel with a burning coal. The fire within the coal purified his mouth and then wickedness was removed and his sins atoned for. This was his justification moment. His salvation moment! This speaks to me and shows me that if his lips were purified & all wickedness removed from him, then our mouth is a messenger that performs the potentially wicked duties of our heart.

So, we can choose… will we allow our mouths to be like that of a deadly spark that destroys the lives of others and wreaks havoc to those in our paths? Or will we allow our mouths to be like that of Isaiah? Allowing the angels to take the fire of purification and cleanse our mouths, therefore purifying our hearts?

My prayer is that my words will be uplifting and strengthening to others. This includes The Hubs and our precious children. As I come alongside others, then I want to use my words to encourage our fellowship with each other. I want my words to reveal Jesus to them! 

What about you? Can you relate? Are you using your words to reveal Jesus to others?

Killer words

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

This is one of my favorite verses. One I pray often with our children as much as for myself. 

Many years ago, the words of my mouth used to be everything except pleasing to the Lord. Sarcasm dripped from my mouth like bitter molasses. Strong, slow, and purposeful. I was full of contention and complaint. You know the verse in the Bible that to live on the corner of a roof is better than to live inside a home with a contentious woman? That was me... I was that woman. It's shocking that my marriage survived the many years that antagonism plagued me. Complaint was readily upon my lips. 

Sarcasm is easily spoken to someone [you love] and then tauntingly pulled back by saying, "I was only joking!" As in.. it's your problem for taking offense to that, because it was just a joke! All the while... there's always truth in that sarcastic joke. I used to be so very sarcastic in cutting down my husband's personhood. Who he was and what he was about. Emasculating him in a major way and making him feel like he wasn't good enough. What husband wants to be with a wife like that? What husband could look forward to providing for and coming home to a woman like that?

It's not easy for me to admit these things openly. However, I share them with great confidence in the redeeming power of our God, because I am not that woman anymore! 

I loved finding fault in others and while much of this is something I was taught to do... I also have to take responsibility for my own actions. I was wrapped up in a world of gossip and found fault with everyone for the smallest of infractions. I had no grace for other people and was so bitter in my own life.  

I would love to tell you there was a turning point in my life that made me realize how wrong I was. Unfortunately, I cannot do that. It was only by the grace of God I started realizing that everything I had to say was negative. My husband pointed it out to me a few times too. I finally reached a point in my life that I decided to start looking for good! It took much prayer, but no matter how annoyed I was I chose not to voice it. I chose to keep it to myself and pray about it. I chose to start finding anything good I could think of from every annoyance that surrounded me.

Laundry keeps piling up --> Atleast we have clothes to wear
My husband snores --> Atleast I know he's breathing
The waitress was rude --> Maybe she just got some really bad news and is scared
That car is in my way --> Maybe the Lord is keeping me from a wreck up ahead
Our kids aren't listening to me --> Atleast I have children who are healthy & well

Do you see? Even though life annoyances are real and true... I can have understanding for those hardships while still finding a positive about them. I am not at all saying this is easy. Especially in the beginning. I *am* saying it's possible to do!!

Now, so many years later... I no longer complain about the small annoyances of life. I do not find myself looking for fault in others. Sarcasm no longer drips from my words and contention is far from my being. In Psalm 19:14 it says, "My rock and my Redeemer" because God can transplant us from the sin we are in and set us up on solid rock, a firm foundation! Redeemer is the Hebrew word goel and means kinsman-redeemer. A kinsman redeemer buys their relative out of slavery when the "slave" cannot pay for himself. He rescues him from total loss and ruin. King David (who wrote this Psalm) looked to God as his Kinsman-Redeemer. 

I also know that God redeemed me from the sins of my mouth and the meditations of my prideful heart. In doing so, it truly saved my marriage! It is only through knowing that God can redeem you of your sin that you can relinquish these sins unto Him. If you are not true to yourself about what sin you're in or you choose to ignore the fact that your words aren't pleasing to Him and the people surrounding you, then there's no hope for Him to redeem your words & thoughts. We must be real and open ourselves up to the fact that the words of our mouth are as deadly and as sinful as a loaded weapon. 

So what will you choose? Will you choose for your words and thoughts to be redeemed and therefore pleasing to the Lord or will you once again load your weapon and aim for the one who is closest in your path? Your child? Your spouse? Your coworker? 

Start looking for the beauty among the ashes and finding gratitude in the mundane...

Let the Lord be your Kinsman-Redeemer too! Let Him set you free from killer statements & thoughts!