I Need Jesus

Do you have days where all seems to go awry? My day was a little bit like that. I woke up early to have my bible study time. Waking up early has never been natural for me. Lately, however, I have been waking up at 5:30 am to begin my day. When all of my children wake up, then the organized chaos begins! I'm learning I like my early mornings by myself. However, this morning two of my kiddos woke up at 6:30. Just as my breakfast had finished cooking and I was about to sit down with my cup of coffee and my bible. (Those are 2 things that get me out of bed in the morning... coffee & my bible. Anybody else feel that way?) I informed them that I would get their breakfast, but they had to sit quietly at the table to eat and then they could go play in another room, because this morning... I need Jesus!

Boy did I ever need Jesus this morning! After I finished my bible time, then I got a text from a sweet friend & church member. Please pray. Along with a picture...  this sweet little girl (a family member to this friend) is having open heart surgery today. A sweet little baby that was possibly all of 1 month old... if my guess is a correct estimation from her picture.

So, I prayed for that sweet girl. Her doctors. Her parents.

I went to our homeschool co-op classes this morning. A lady shares, please pray. A family friend was 21 weeks pregnant and they had to take her baby yesterday. The baby has a 20% chance of life.

My heart broke. I prayed for that sweet little girl. Her doctors. Her parents. That no matter what... God would get the glory.

Later this evening, one of my best friends texted me. Please pray. I am 22 weeks pregnant and got bad news today about my baby girl. My heart is aching and I feel like my life has been changed forever as I know it. 

So, amidst tears I prayed for that baby girl. Her momma, my best friend & her husband. For the doctors. For the new life they will forever face.

Three baby girls who are so loved and cherished by our Heavenly Father. By our Maker, the Strong Creator, Elohim. Who created these beautiful girls with His tear filled, loving, & holy hands... knew this very day they would need lots of prayers.

First baby girl ended up not having surgery today. I'm sure there's a blessing & a hardship received with that very news. I'm sure her day of surgery will come soon and while she waits... I will continue to lift her up to our mighty God, our El Shaddai.

Second baby girl went home to be with Jesus. We don't know if her parents know Jesus, but I pray they do... or will come to. I have never experienced the loss of a child to the extent this mother is experiencing today. I know One who has though and it's my prayer that He will send the Holy Spirit to comfort this family and give them peace as they've never experienced before. For He is Jehovah Shammah. 

Third baby girl will continue to be bathed in my prayers (and that of others) until her birth day when the extent of her medical issues will be seen in their full fruition. Until then, she is held at the bosom of Adonai and her parents, my friends, put their full faith & trust in Him. Knowing that God can heal her at any time, if He so chooses! He is Jehovah Rapha.

So today, yes, I needed Jesus!! I needed Jesus, El Olam, to fill me up so that He could overflow me and I could have enough of Him to spill out and love on these people who came to me seeking prayer.  That's what my time with Jesus does for me. Fills me up. Spills over into every aspect of my life. I want to be so full of Jesus that He just oozes from me!! I am so thankful for my time with Him this morning. So tomorrow I shall do the same. Wake up at 5:30. Grab my bible & a cup of coffee... and I will be on my way to another day to serve those around me however I can. Whether it's through prayer or encouragement... God will guide me. But whatever lays in wait for me... one thing is for sure. I won't be able to do any of it without Jesus.

The Beautiful Woman

Life has been a bit crazy lately, so I apologize for just now getting back to finishing up our Proverbs 31 study! This study has been such a blessing to my life and I hope and pray it's blessed you too!

Proverbs 31:30-31

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

The Hebrew word for fleeting here means “breath” or “vapor”. We can truly understand how fleeting beauty is when we know that the meaning of it is just a breath or just a vapor of time.

Lately I’ve been seeing Hollywood actors portrayed in online articles about botched plastic surgery or who went too far in their surgery attempts, etc. I read through these and truthfully.. it breaks my heart. These actors aren’t allowed to age in their profession. They’re not allowed to be real people with real faces and real bodies. I’m not against plastic surgery, honestly. I don’t have a problem with it and I don’t think it’s sinful or wrong. However, I think the heart behind it can be sinful. I think when we become obsessed to be something we aren’t, then there’s a sin issue. I think when we look at ourselves and pick ourselves apart because we aren’t beautiful enough and yet, we are made in the image of God, then I think there’s a sin issue. It’s my opinion that when enough is never enough… Just one more surgery, just a few more pounds lost or gained, just a few more things, etc. When we are never satisfied with who we are, what we have, and what we’ve been given.. then there is a sin issue. A heart issue. An issue that we need to take to the cross of Jesus and lay at His feet to find healing and restoration from Him. To find redemption in who He created us to be! 

photo credit www.enchantingquotes.com

As the Proverbs reveal to us... charm is deceiving. Beauty is fleeting… it's just a vapor. It comes and then it can just as easily go. But a woman who fears the Lord… she will be praised. She will be blessed. Isaiah 60:1 says, “Arise, Jerusalem! Let your light shine for all to see. For the glory of the LORD rises to shine on you.” One of the most beautiful things we can understand about the Excellent Wife is that above all things regarding her appearance, she fears the Lord! She is concerned about what God thinks about her more than what others think about her. Her priorities are according to what God has called her to do.. not the expectation of others. She fears the Lord and because of this, 

then she is praised, admired, and honored by her family. Because of her fear of the Lord.. He rises up and His beauty shines upon her!

She is woman who is honored at the city gate. Women weren’t often recognized at the city gate, but an extraordinary woman definitely deserved extraordinary recognition. We can find so many wonderful assets & virtues about this woman and we can all hope that through prayer and growing closer to the Lord that we, too, can be an Excellent Wife (or for the unmarried... an Excellent Woman!)

What was your favorite part of learning about the Excellent Wife?

Stand Firm with the Armor of God

In my Sunday School Women's Class I have been teaching about the Armor of God! It has been such a GREAT study that I thought others may enjoy what I have learned too!! As I've taught through the book of Ephesians, there have been a few weeks that have really had me super excited to share what I've learned. This study on the armor has definitely been exciting weeks for me! I have learned alot and have enjoyed passing on my newfound knowledge!

Let's begin with Ephesians 6:10-13

10 Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. 12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. 13 This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand.

The word Power here means “overcomes resistance” like the resistance that could come from Christ doing miracles. This is the kind of power this word speaks of. It is the power we find in the strength of Christ. So we can be strengthened not only by the Lord, but also in His resources.

We put on God’s armor, and then we don’t fight… we stand.. still. Wow.. that's hard!

We don’t fight satan. We hold fast to the truths of who God is and that He has already won the battle and the war! God has conquered satan… He doesn’t need us to conquer him too. Without God’s armor, then satan can more easily penetrate us and try to defeat us. His schemes have affected us Christians for years, but with the armor of God, then we can stand strong against his orders.


In my Monday night bible study we are studying the Israelites. One thing Moses tells the Israelites in Exodus 14:13 is to be fearless. Be still. Be watchful. And be silent. So when I was reading this about the armor it made me think of how Moses told the Israelites to be still just as Paul is telling us to put on our armor and stand still against the devil’s schemes. When Moses told them to stand still, then the Greek meaning for that was to stand firm. When Paul is telling the Christians to stand in verse 13, then the greek for that is to stand against. In verse 14, we go back to the Greek word for stand that means to stand firm. So I think it’s safe to say, we we are in a position to stand firmly against satan when we are wearing the armor of God!

Standing requires us to use our bodies. We have to have a firm resolve and be partnered with God while we stand. If we sit, then we’re likely to fall asleep or become lazy. But standing requires more of us. More than anything, standing still requires us to let God do God’s part. Nobody can do God’s job as good as God can, even though we try so hard to play God and do God’s work in our lives. Ultimately, we are useless at it and often can cause more harm (and even miss out on God’s blessings) trying to be God than if we would just stop. Be still. And let God do His work in our lives!

Psalm 46:10 says “Stop your fighting and know that I am God.” So the lesson we can take away from this is to put on the armor. Plant our feet. Stand firm. Let God do His work. We wait and we watch silently and prepare to see the hand of God work in our lives against the efforts of the enemy.

Here I will break down the pieces of armor. Feel free to read through these carefully and at your own pace. They are so beneficial to the Christian walk. Just like a Roman soldier would never enter battle without all pieces of his armor fitted to him, then so must we wear our armor proudly and daily in order to stand firm against the enemy!


Click on each verse for a more in depth study of each verse:


14 Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist,
righteousness like armor on your chest,

15 and your feet sandaled with readiness
for the gospel of peace.

16 In every situation take the shield of faith,
and with it you will be able to extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

17 Take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit,
which is God’s word.

In one sense, the “whole armor of God” is a picture of Jesus Christ. Christ is the Truth (John 14:6), and He is our righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21) and our peace (Eph. 2:14). His faithfulness makes possible our faith (Gal. 2:20); He is our salvation (Luke 2:30); and He is the Word of God (John 1:1, 14). This means that when we trusted Christ, we received the armor. Paul told the Romans what to do with the armor (Rom. 13:11–14): wake up (Rom. 13:11), cast off sin, and “put on the armor of light” (Rom. 13:12). We do this by putting “on the Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom. 13:14). By faith, put on the armor and trust God for the victory. Once and for all, we have put on the armor at the moment of salvation. But there must be a daily appropriation. When King David put off his armor and returned to his palace, he was in greater danger than when he was on the battlefield (2 Samuel 11 tells us of when David saw Bathsheba bathing and wanted her. From that moment he stumbled into satan's trap. He had an adulterous affair, was caught up in numerous lies, & committed murder). We are never out of reach of Satan’s devices, so we must never be without the whole armor of God.^{[1] (emphasis added)}

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^[1] Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Vol. 2, p. 59). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

Commentary used for my studies: 

Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Vol. 2). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books

Belt of Truth & Breastplate of Righteousness

A Christian cannot be characterized by lies and still have close communion with the Father. It’s impossible. Think about King David. He told lies for nearly a year regarding what happened with Bathsheba and it caused him great torment. You can read about that in Psalms 32 & 51. He repented and the Lord restored his credibility as king and restored the relationship he & God had together, but think of the blessings he missed that year all because of the many lies he told in order to save his pride. Unless we practice truth, then we cannot use the Word of Truth! When our conscience is clear then we can face the enemy without fear!

The belt of truth is like a girdle that holds all of the other pieces of armor together. A soldier’s belt was worn over his garments and was the first piece of armor he put on. Without the belt then the rest of the armor loses all value and strength. The belt also holds the sword! Having truth gives us freedom with ourselves, with God, and with others.

The breastplate of righteousness is talking about the sanctification of a Christian. To clarify, justification is for when we are saved. Sanctification is for when we are becoming more Christ-like and storing blessings/rewards up in Heaven. We will then present those blessings back to the Father during our worship of Him. Our sanctification also shows non-believers who we are and what we’re about.

Without the belt of truth, then the breastplate of righteousness cannot stay in place. A soldier’s breastplate was most likely chain link and it covered his waist up to his neck on the front and back of his body. This breastplate protected his chest from an enemy’s attacks. Likewise, sanctifying, righteous living guards a believer’s heart against the assaults of the devil.^[1] The life we live is one where satan is unable to penetrate us during attack or one that we are weakened enough for him to defeat us. First we need truth, then we must stand firm in righteousness. Without practical righteousness in our lives, then we are opening ourselves up for satan’s attacks. We must stand firmly against satan by practicing righteousness, because it is the righteousness of Christ that affirms us, as believers, of our salvation.

Click HERE to return to the Armor of God Post

Or go directly to the next verse:
15 and your feet sandaled with readiness
for the gospel of peace.

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^[1] Hoehner, H. W. (1985). Ephesians. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (Vol. 2, p. 643). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

Wear the Shoes of the Gospel

A bit of history for you... The Roman soldier wore hobnails in their sandals. These were like small rounded tacks that were in the sole of the shoe and provided traction against slipping and falling. Like the above picture, it kind of resembles a soccer or baseball cleat except the hobnail is metal instead of rubber. If the walking surface was smooth then the hobnail would often cause men to slip. However, they are perfect over mountainous areas with rocky terrain and desert-like areas. Like it was in Rome.

If we are going to stand firmly against the world and withstand the attacks of satan then hobnailed sandals are what we need. The Christian life is rarely ever smooth. It is often rocky and hard to maneuver through, but God gives us the hobnailed sandals we need to walk the journey He has set out before us. 

The shoes of the gospel also represent peace. Because we have the peace of God, that so often surpasses our understanding, then we do not need to fear satan and we do not need to fear man. In order to defeat satan’s attacks then we must have peace with God and with others. Now, this does not mean we are to be doormats in order to “keep the peace”. In scripture we know there is a difference between being peace makers and peace keepers. We are not striving to be peace keepers in order to remain at peace with others for the sake of sacrificing ourselves and what we are about. 

That’s not who God made us to be. We *are* to be peace makers who strive to make peace while also having boundaries for ourselves. It protects our personhood so that we don’t allow others or satan to bring strife into our lives. Allowing strife into our lives is sinful and it can easily cause separation from God. Satan has declared war against peace, but we are ambassadors of God’s peace!  (2 Corinthians 5:20 verifies this.) Our stability in the gospel gives us peace so that we can stand strong in battle!

The shoes have a 3^rd meaning though too. They are used to carry the good news to non-believers. We know from Paul to the modern day missionaries in 3^rd world countries today just how rocky the Christian terrain can be. How unsure and uncertain that journey is. We can have peace in knowing that God is in control and He will keep us safe while also using these good news shoes to travel with us as we tell others who Jesus is. The most victorious Christian is the one who is sharing the good news of who God is and what Jesus has done for them. Then, that believer now has what’s referred to as beautiful feet. (Romans 10:15). 

We have the opportunity and privilege to take the gospel of peace wherever we go. We choose to stand firm against satan because we have the peace of God within us.

Click HERE to return to the Armor of God post

Or go directly to the next verse:
16 In every situation take the shield of faith,
and with it you will be able to extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Shield of Faith

The shield in a Roman soldier’s attire, made of wood, was about 2 1/2’ wide and 4’ long. It was overlaid with linen and leather and often dipped in water before battle to absorb fiery arrows. Thus it also protected the other pieces of the armor. 

We can know that the shield consists of faith. Once again, the faith mentioned here is not the faith of justification. It is living faith… faith that trusts in the power & promises of God! The idea, then, is that a Christian’s resolute faith in the Lord can stop and extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one aimed at him. Satan shoots “fiery darts” at our hearts and minds: lies, blasphemous thoughts, hateful thoughts about others, doubts, and burning desires for sin. If we do not by faith quench these darts, they will light a fire within and we will disobey God. We never know when Satan will shoot a dart at us, so we must always walk by faith and use the shield of faith.^[1]

I think it’s so amazing to learn that a soldier’s shield had interlocking sides. This is so that soldiers could stand in line with each other and form a long barrier or wall with their shields. This shows us and teaches us that we cannot walk this Christian life alone. We are not in battle alone! In Esther 8, she told us that it was “along with” Mordecai that she saved the Jews. Mordecai couldn’t have saved the Jews without Esther and Esther couldn’t have saved the Jews without Mordecai. We have to have our “along withs” in life. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”  We must remain together, standing strong with our shields before us in battle, so that we can remain strong.

We can also know the other glorious side of this is that the Holy Spirit is with us. We are never alone, because we have Him with us at all times. 2 Timothy 1:13-14 says to “Hold on to the pattern of sound teaching that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Guard, through the Holy Spirit who lives in us, that good thing entrusted to you.” So we can know, we are not ever alone in this walk. No matter what fiery arrows satan determines to throw our way, then we can trust that we have our “along withs”: we have the church, and we have the Holy Spirit as our guide.

Click HERE to return to the Armor of God post

Or go directly to the next verse:
17 Take the helmet of salvation,and the sword of the Spirit,which is God’s word.

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^[1] Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Vol. 2, p. 58). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

Helmet of Salvation and Sword of Truth

Satan attacks us through the mind. He uses those fiery darts to penetrate us and when all else fails he will seek to harm us through our thoughts. Have you ever had a thought before and then thought, “Whoa! Where in the world did that come from?” That was satan! Take that thought captive immediately! Say aloud, “Satan get away from me!” He cannot stay in our thoughts unless we allow him to.

He will bring ungodly, sinful thoughts to your mind and he will speak lies over you.

“You aren’t good enough."
"You are ugly."
"You try to be good, but you’re not."
"Nobody believes you. "
"That person is much better at this job than you are"
.... and the list goes on...

 He will make you doubt yourself and your knowledge just like he did with Eve in the garden in Genesis 3. 

“Is that really what you think?"
"Do you think that’s what God would want from you?"
"Are you really a Christian?"

We can so easily be coerced and tempted and manipulated by satan’s attacks on our mind.

So many Christians think that intellect is unimportant. That we don’t *have* to study scripture in order to grow closer to God. I’ve spoken often about loving God with our mind and even blogged about it here. We must know scripture in order to defeat satan! If we don’t know the truth of what God says, then satan will distort the truth to make us stumble. 

Think of Matthew 4:1-11 when Jesus was tempted in the desert. If Jesus hadn’t known the scriptures, then satan could’ve easily talked him into sinning by merely attacking his mind. But Jesus knew the scripture. Jesus IS the living, breathing Word of God! Jesus was unchanged by the devil’s lies. 

But what about you? Do you know the scriptures well enough to stand against satan’s lies & manipulations? If you were presented with untruths about God’s word, then would you know it? I don’t say this to condemn you, but rather to make you think. If you're a believer, then you are armed with the word of God. You have been given the helmet of salvation. You are indwelt with the Holy Spirit. You have the Bible, God's Holy Word, to use and gain knowledge from. So are you using these resources to provide yourself with the helmet of salvation? We need it!! We must block the lies, manipulations, and mind-games that satan will bring our way. 

2 Peter 3:18 "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen."

Wherever Paul was, then he 

taught the truths of God’s word so that the people who heard the good news would be wearing helmets of salvation and protected from satan’s lies.

Now that we are wearing our helmet, then we can take up the sword of the Spirit. A material sword pierces the body, but the Word of God pierces the heart. The more you use a physical sword, the duller it becomes; but using God’s Word only makes it sharper in our lives. A physical sword requires the hand of a soldier, but the sword of the Spirit has its own power, for it is “living and powerful” (Hebrews 4:12). The Spirit wrote the Word, and the Spirit wields the Word as we take it by faith and use it. A physical sword wounds to hurt and kill, while the sword of the Spirit wounds to heal and give life. But when we use the sword against Satan, we are out to deal him a blow that will cripple him and keep him from hindering God’s work.[1]

Go back to Matthew 4 when Jesus was tempted. Three times he said, “it is written” and satan also used those same words: it is written. Please understand... Satan knows the scripture too, but take note that he won’t use it in completion. He uses just enough of it to bring us confusion. The better we know the Word, then the easier it is for us detect satan’s lies and reject him.

Click HERE to return to the Armor of God post

^[1] Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Vol. 2, p. 59). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

Growth in Marriage

I was 17 when I met my husband, Andy. It was at a time in my life that I wrestled with who I was. I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't feel worthy of love. I didn't feel like anyone even liked me. Then, this man came into my life and treasured me.. truly treasured me. He showed me the absolute love of Jesus and there were many times I was very undeserving it too. As soon as we met, then we truly knew that the Lord had brought us together for marriage.

The Lord spoke to me as a young girl and told me that I would be married young. He shared with me that my husband would have brown hair and blue eyes and that he would be in ministry. I knew early in my life that I would be a "Pastor's Wife" and I looked forward to those duties. So I never dated any boys who didn't have brown hair and blue eyes and they had to truly love Jesus. I only dated one boy who didn't have the call of ministry (in some capacity) on his heart. It's funny as I think about that now. I reflect on those things now and am glad I had those priorities in my life. I wasn't the type of girl who desired to date around anyways, but I think being picky in this way definitely kept me from straying to the wrong type of boy throughout my school years.

So I met Andy who had brown hair, blue eyes, and was finishing his degree in biblical studies in order to fulfill a call of ministry in his life. I knew the Lord brought us together to be eachother's help mates. So, we married 10 short months after we met.

I have told people often that Andy rescued me. No doubt it was God's way of lifting me up out of the miry clay I was drowning in. My family life felt devastating. Life with my mother felt unwelcome. We fought often when I was home from college. She told me how I should & should not feel about everything. If I disagreed with her then I was told how wrong, ridiculous, or silly I was being. Or the biggest crusher? How un-christian I was. I was told often how I should be on anti-depressants so I would be more pleasant to be around. The truth is, I was fighting for me. For who I was and wanted to be. My Father had disowned me at this time. Threatening to take me out of his will as one of his children. I felt very abandoned by him. However, the Lord had brought Andy to me during these tumultuous days.... It was obvious, in my mind, God sent Him to rescue me.

Our first months together (I must add we didn't really know eachother, ha!) were wonderful. Filled with figuring eachother out & learning who each of us was together. However, the next few months were harder. I wanted Andy to identify who I was and love me too. I wanted Andy to fulfill the brokenness I felt within my soul. I expected him to never make me angry or hurt me as I had felt so damaged by anger & hurtfulness in the years prior to meeting him. Andy was patient with me and full of grace for my shortcomings, but after a point he began to resent my difficult personality.

God was so gracious to orchestrate many things in my life that ultimately led to redemption for me and our marriage. He put a friend in my path who bravely and lovingly pointed out to me what a terrible wife I was being. Yes, that sounds harsh, and yes it wasn't easy to hear! Was it the truth? Sadly, it absolutely was! God began convicting me of my ungrateful & unthankful heart. I was a complainer. I had difficulty finding good in anything. I sought out the negative and never looked for blessings. So, I began practicing only thankfulness. If I felt negative towards something, then I began to hold it in and just tell God about it and never voiced it to Andy (or others).

Several years passed. Through many convictions & prayers our marriage was better. I was still having many dark days though and I sought out Christian counsel for myself. My counselor helped me to further investigate who I am in Christ! My husband couldn't identify me or fulfill me. Only the cross of Jesus Christ was equipped to handle those uncertainties in my life. So I began running to Jesus and asking Him to reveal to me who I was. So He did! As I ran to Jesus to discover who I was in Him, then Andy and I began growing closer. Our marriage began to strengthen and we began to do marriage, parenthood, and life together instead of Andy having to usher me & hold me up through our married life.

Our marriage of 12 years is truly one of redemption and I am so thankful that Andy didn't give up on me. I am grateful that I didn't give up on me. I am overwhelmed that God didn't give up on me. Ladies, let me encourage you that no man can heal your brokenness or repair the damage you have felt in your life. Only Christ can do this for you! I have been one blessed lady to have a man like Andy who didn't leave me destitute in my brokenness. He saw me through it all and waited on the Lord to work in my life. However, I am sure that he would tell you it wasn't easy and I have no doubt that he felt like giving up on me often. Praise God he didn't!! I can assure you the redemption of our marriage has been sweet. We are truly so blessed to have eachother. Although, we walked through many difficult years we still have some hard days every now & then. However, we stay committed & loyal to eachother. We love doing life together and are truly more in love today than we were in the beginning when we were so young & in love.

12 years of marriage together

Seek the Lord, sweet Sisters, to repair the heartaches in your life. He loves you and desires for you to have full & complete freedom! While I'm not opposed to medications when they are needed.. I also know the power of counseling and how working through the sins in your life (both sins you've committed and sins done to you) can redeem you from depression. Isaiah 49:16 "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;    your walls are ever before me." The Lord holds you in His hands and He longs to redeem you, heal you... FREE you! 

Micah 7:18 "Who is a God like you,    who pardons sin and forgives the transgression    of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever  but delight to show mercy."

Run to the Father, sweet sister! Find your joy & completeness in Him and Him alone!! "He would have to be less God to love us less... It's impossible. He is the initiator of our love! The source is Him. If we love Him it's because He loved us first" (Beth Moore) 1 John 5:14-15 " This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."

Are You On Guard?

As I got out of bed in the middle of the night a few nights ago, then our dog got up with me. She walked around our bedroom and then went and laid back down in her bed. It dawned on me, every time I get up in the middle of the night whether to go to the bathroom, to calm a crying child, or whatever the case may be.. then our sweet Cassie gets up with me. She's even been known to alert me when a child wakes up crying and I haven't woken up enough to hear them yet. She is always on guard.


Then I thought, no wonder she (or really any other "guard" dog) sleeps all day. She never fully sleeps through the night, because she is always on guard. Next, a couple other thoughts came to my mind. Yes, it was still the middle of the night, ha!


1. How often do we feel that we have to be on guard? How often do we feel that we have to get up and fix things, check on things, and be in control of all situations? Do we trust the Father? Do we trust that God has our best interest at heart and we can rest in Him knowing that He has got everything planned out for us? He has control over what will happen in our lives. He will go before us... provide for us and prepare the way for us. So, do we trust Him? Or are you constantly getting up and trying to figure out what's happening next? Do you walk around aimlessly seeking out what your next move shall be? Do you do this to the point that you're consistently left defeated and exhausted from all that this world offers?



2. My next thought was the flip side of this. Satan roams around this earth looking for whom he can devour next. Are we on guard? We fight against the principalities of this world and there is so much darkness surrounding us. If we don't keep ourselves on guard against the enemy, then he can so easily steal our joy. We can so easily buy into the lies that he offers: you aren't good enough, you aren't pretty enough, you aren't worth enough. That is not who God says we, as believers, are though! The Bible tells us to be on guard against evil. So be your own guard dog and guard your thoughts and your heart against the wickedness of this world and don't believe the father of lies when he speaks fiction over you.


So what category do you fall under? I think we need to have a balance in our lives. It's not easy and I've been guilty of falling into both of these traps. Let's see what God's word says about this.


Exodus 23:20 See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.

Matthew 11:10 I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way before you.

Genesis 50:21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children. And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 22:8 "He trusts in the Lord,” they say, “let the Lord rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him

Likewise..

1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.

Ephesians 6:11-12 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

John 8:44 He [satan] was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.


What does the Bible say about who I am?

John 15:15 I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father

Romans 3:24 But they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus

Proverbs 31:25 You are clothed with strength and dignity.

Isaiah 61:10 I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.


Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace


So let's gather together and trust that the Lord, the Ancient of Days, will not forsake us and He is our deliverer and we can trust that He will work all things out for us, but let us also be on guard against the evil of this world while also not believing that which satan means for our harm.

Isaiah 46:9-10 Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose."

Redemptive Christmas

When I began my journey to wholeness many years ago I had no idea the path I would walk. I felt alone and unworthy as a person. Suicidal thoughts plagued my teenage years and often crossed my mind in my adult years. Even after I became a mother. I used to think how much easier it would be if I would just die and go to Heaven. I wondered often if anyone would even miss me. These thoughts became more prevalent in my life and it was after an ended friendship and those dark thoughts were engulfing me that I finally sought help.

It was through biblical counseling that I expected to work on my friendships & marriage, because I couldn't keep friends and my marriage felt lonely in those days. However, small truths of my childhood began creeping out. Truths like.. I didn't play much as a child. I had to be a confidant to my dad and I lived in fear of the money troubles we faced as a family. I worked diligently to keep my mother happy even though I failed often. I felt I had to take care of my sister even though she hated me and faulted me for it. It became very clear as these truths seeped out that I was in the role of parenting... and parents don't play. 

So for a couple of years I worked with my counselor diligently nurturing this little girl inside me who never got to play. So I played alot with my children. We did fun things and had fun outings. I allowed myself to cry when I needed to cry. I sought refuge from the Lord when I felt lonely or afraid. I took care of her... this little girl hiding inside me... this little girl who never got to be a little girl. I took care of me. Slowly, I began realizing I am no longer this little girl anymore. This "little girl" who felt so inadequate and incapable of doing anything began feeling empowered bit by bit. 

It was this Christmas that I realized just how much this little girl has grown. For the first time in my life I realized I have become a woman. I once had great expectations during the Christmas season. Expectations for grand presents in many numbers. Expectations that it should be about me. I have no idea why I had this expectation... other than it was that little girl who used to be within me longing for honor and love through the magic of Christmas. 

This year, however, my presents were few and my heart was full. The presents I received were wonderful and I am so very grateful for them! However, what brought me the most joy this Christmas? Not the presents. 

• It was doing Acts of Kindness with my children throughout the Christmas season.
• It was doing daily advents together as we counted down the days to celebrate Christmas.
• We made birthday cupcakes for Jesus
• We had an amazing Christmas Eve Service at our church. They hadn't had a CES in 8 years. We brought to them the idea of a candlelight service and expected only a handful of people. We were surprised and giddy with joy when we had 25 people come! That was a beautiful sight and music to our ears as we sang hymns of praise to the newborn King!
• We enjoyed a relaxing pajama day for Christmas day without any fear of retribution for doing what we wanted & needed for our family time. (We used to be chastised for asking for what we wanted within our extended family unit and made to feel bad for asking that Christmas Day be only our little family.)

When Christmas is over I have been known to cry in the past. Cry that the "magic" is over. I would lament over putting away the decorations so much so that my husband would always put away the beautiful lights and tree.  However, that wasn't the case this year! Everything was over and I was finished. We waited a few days and then put away all of our decorations & magical pieces together as a family. 

The list could go on for days... but I cherished each moment of my womanhood this Christmas season. I realized this year just how much the Lord has grown me, changed me, renewed me, & strengthened me. How grateful I am for this new redemption!! How great is our God!! 

I pray that you will let Jesus grow you into the woman He has for you to be! He is such a God of redemption and He longs to redeem you from the hardships you face and the insurmountable trials you may be facing.

Killer words

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

This is one of my favorite verses. One I pray often with our children as much as for myself. 

Many years ago, the words of my mouth used to be everything except pleasing to the Lord. Sarcasm dripped from my mouth like bitter molasses. Strong, slow, and purposeful. I was full of contention and complaint. You know the verse in the Bible that to live on the corner of a roof is better than to live inside a home with a contentious woman? That was me... I was that woman. It's shocking that my marriage survived the many years that antagonism plagued me. Complaint was readily upon my lips. 

Sarcasm is easily spoken to someone [you love] and then tauntingly pulled back by saying, "I was only joking!" As in.. it's your problem for taking offense to that, because it was just a joke! All the while... there's always truth in that sarcastic joke. I used to be so very sarcastic in cutting down my husband's personhood. Who he was and what he was about. Emasculating him in a major way and making him feel like he wasn't good enough. What husband wants to be with a wife like that? What husband could look forward to providing for and coming home to a woman like that?

It's not easy for me to admit these things openly. However, I share them with great confidence in the redeeming power of our God, because I am not that woman anymore! 

I loved finding fault in others and while much of this is something I was taught to do... I also have to take responsibility for my own actions. I was wrapped up in a world of gossip and found fault with everyone for the smallest of infractions. I had no grace for other people and was so bitter in my own life.  

I would love to tell you there was a turning point in my life that made me realize how wrong I was. Unfortunately, I cannot do that. It was only by the grace of God I started realizing that everything I had to say was negative. My husband pointed it out to me a few times too. I finally reached a point in my life that I decided to start looking for good! It took much prayer, but no matter how annoyed I was I chose not to voice it. I chose to keep it to myself and pray about it. I chose to start finding anything good I could think of from every annoyance that surrounded me.

Laundry keeps piling up --> Atleast we have clothes to wear
My husband snores --> Atleast I know he's breathing
The waitress was rude --> Maybe she just got some really bad news and is scared
That car is in my way --> Maybe the Lord is keeping me from a wreck up ahead
Our kids aren't listening to me --> Atleast I have children who are healthy & well

Do you see? Even though life annoyances are real and true... I can have understanding for those hardships while still finding a positive about them. I am not at all saying this is easy. Especially in the beginning. I *am* saying it's possible to do!!

Now, so many years later... I no longer complain about the small annoyances of life. I do not find myself looking for fault in others. Sarcasm no longer drips from my words and contention is far from my being. In Psalm 19:14 it says, "My rock and my Redeemer" because God can transplant us from the sin we are in and set us up on solid rock, a firm foundation! Redeemer is the Hebrew word goel and means kinsman-redeemer. A kinsman redeemer buys their relative out of slavery when the "slave" cannot pay for himself. He rescues him from total loss and ruin. King David (who wrote this Psalm) looked to God as his Kinsman-Redeemer. 

I also know that God redeemed me from the sins of my mouth and the meditations of my prideful heart. In doing so, it truly saved my marriage! It is only through knowing that God can redeem you of your sin that you can relinquish these sins unto Him. If you are not true to yourself about what sin you're in or you choose to ignore the fact that your words aren't pleasing to Him and the people surrounding you, then there's no hope for Him to redeem your words & thoughts. We must be real and open ourselves up to the fact that the words of our mouth are as deadly and as sinful as a loaded weapon. 

So what will you choose? Will you choose for your words and thoughts to be redeemed and therefore pleasing to the Lord or will you once again load your weapon and aim for the one who is closest in your path? Your child? Your spouse? Your coworker? 

Start looking for the beauty among the ashes and finding gratitude in the mundane...

Let the Lord be your Kinsman-Redeemer too! Let Him set you free from killer statements & thoughts!

Celebrating Deliverance

I have been pretty candid on my blog so far about having to walk away from mentally & emotionally abusive relationships and the fear that is still a stronghold (although it's thankfully dwindling) in my life. However, as I am wrapping up my bible study on the book of Esther with Beth Moore the Lord continues to reveal to me that He holds me in His hands. I am excited to tell you, Friend... He holds you too!!

Please allow me to share a few things I've learned over the last few days that are cultivating my continued healing.

Esther 9:19 tells us of the new appointed holiday that the Jews will annually celebrate. This is because they are free from the decree that was put on them by Haman to annihilate and destroy all of them. They decided to celebrate... they chose joy!! Beth Moore states, "Because Christ has overcome sin and the grave, any day can be a day of joy, but can you imagine the impact of becoming deliberate about it?"

Feast of Purim

So on this special day they give presents and special food to each other along with throwing feasts & banquets. In the passage, you'll see the word gift or present.Those words can mean gift of food or even something more than food. Let me dig deeper and tie this together for you with more scripture! Psalm 16:5-6 says "you make my 'lot' secure" and in Esther 3:7 the word "lot" is also used when Haman threw lots to see what day the Jews' slaughter would be held.
The word "lot" here is the SAME Hebrew word as gift! The 3 words favor, portions (aka presents), and lots are interlaced. Beth declares, "No matter what life - or Satan himself - hands us, the favor God has on His children causes that "lot" to tumble out on the table in such a way that, instead of destruction the child will discover that her portion is turned into destiny one trusting step at a time. When all is said and done, she will see that the portion God assigned her was good. Right. Rich. Full of purpose."

Psalm 16:5 ESV "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot." This verse really spoke to me!

I have seen the goodness of my God! He has rescued me from my enemies. The day we can realize this... that God has the best plans for us when we follow Him, then we will have "a day of joy and feasting, a day for giving presents to eachother" (Esther 9:19, NIV)

Beth Moore states, "We glorify God when we celebrate our deliverance."

So I continue to share with you reflections of my redemption. As raw as it is,as painful as it's been, and as victorious as I stand. This blog is not about me. It's about my deliverance.... and that's about Jesus! So when I celebrate my deliverance by sharing my story with you (God called me to do so), then I am glorifying God! "God gave His one and only Son as His portion and we who receive Him have the joy of giving to others out of that lavish portion." - Beth

So, let me leave you with one last set of verses. Here is the original verse: Psalm 30:1-3,11-12 and here for you is my version and the account of my deliverance.

I will exalt You, O Lord, for You are my Redeemer and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O Lord my God, I called to You for help and You rescued me.

O Lord, You brought me up from the grave; you spared me from mental abuse, the perfection I once sought, and the hopelessness I once felt.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with righteousness, joy, kindness, gladness, hope, love, peace, and grace that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you praise forever!!

Better with Boundaries

For many years I have struggled with putting boundaries in place. Learning that it's okay to say no. Realizing that if I am unable to be apart of something or choose not to do it, then I am not in sin.

 I grew up in a home of high expectations. I was not allowed to have an opinion and I most certainly was not allowed to say no. However, my thoughts and attitudes were secretly expected to match those of my mother. This left me in a perpetual state of guessing her desires and trying to live up to them. That's a day in the life as a child of a narcissist. 

For many years I was in counseling. Learning who I was and who I'm not. Determining I'm not persistently in sin or bad for having my own thoughts & desires. Grasping this new idea of boundaries. Through counseling and reading books I realized that boundaries are a Christian thing to do. It's something God himself does. It is not sinful and it is not wrong and boundaries are actually a sign of being healthy!

I learned this concept about 5 years ago. Truly put it into practice 2 years ago. Fought for my life with it 1 year ago. Fought & won! It was a battle of boundaries to pull myself up from the mire I was sinking in and declare myself an adult Christian woman with a family who deserved to be treated respectfully & honorably. Psalm 69:14 "Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters." was my anthem... and God did that for me!

So yes, I was rescued! I fought the battle! I won the war! God and me!! Truthfully though, I still wrestle with my old demons of feeling "bad" and "unworthy" and "unrighteous" for setting boundaries. Even though over and over the Lord has revealed to me that I am not in sin. In fact, I am choosing to follow Him instead of the idols of pleasing people.

THEN!! This week in Esther the Lord revealed something big to me!! Esther set a HUGE boundary! Haman had set a date to kill her and all her people. She had gone before the King twice! The second time she revealed to him what Haman was planning... annihilation of her people. The King stormed out and Haman stayed behind with Esther to plead for his life. Harem protocol in those days was that no man should be alone with one of the King's women and even moreso, not within 7 feet! Haman, however, *fell on the couch* where Esther was laying. He really felt he had nothing more to lose! 

So let me pause for a moment. I've set boundaries and they weren't accepted well... at all. Later, after boundaries were kept in place, then I was given apologies. Half-hearted apologies. Not sincere ones. Just shame-inducing excuses to try and get me back into a place where I used to be.. under the influence of mental abuse. I didn't accept these apologies. Although, in my heart I had forgiven these boundary-less and merciless people who wreaked havoc in my life. I had taken them to the cross of Jesus and left them there for Him to heal and help. Because, honestly, I no longer could.

Now, returning to Esther. Beth Moore says, "I don't think she could take the chance that he or the situation would change. Furthermore, does begging for one's life equal repentance? Is anything more natural or instinctive than pleading for your own skin when it's in jeopardy?" I hear that! I recognize that sort of apology! It isn't for the sake of truly seeking repentance... it's purely for the advantage of someone else's reputation.

"So long as an enemy as powerful and shrewd as Haman lived he was a threat to Esther, Mordecai, and the Jewish community. To say here that Esther was merciless and unfeeling is to misinterpret the entire situation. Thus, while her heart might have prompted her to be merciful, logic and prudence restrained her." - Carey, Moore, The Anchor Bible Commentary.

So the truth is, Friends, boundaries are important. For all of us, even Queens of Persia! They aren't sinful or ungodly. They are necessary. Beth Moore states that if someone goes out of their way to harm someone else they're digging a pit. Psalm 7:15-16 "Whoever digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit they have made.The trouble they cause recoils on them;  their violence comes down on their own heads." Haman dug his pit. "Knowingly or not, Haman had placed himself in Satan's hands only to be betrayed by him. It happens every time." - Beth Moore. 

My family dug their pit by choosing to ignore me beseeching them for grace and extensions of mercy. For years, I asked them to listen to me instead of ignore me. To talk respectfully to my husband and me instead of calling me names or disparage my man. For years, I begged and cried. I demanded and hoped. I wrote letters and I waited. The pit was dug. As Beth says, "In effect Christ says, 'I'm already great enough for both of us,' relieving the willing of their woeful burden. 'Just follow Me.'" So I chose to lay down the life of mental abuse, and walk away.. as hard as that was.. to the life that Jesus had intended for me. I laid down my life and followed Jesus! 

So, I share this all with you to say that once again the Lord redeemed me this week from the shackles of fear. Fear that I am not a good person. Fear that I am sinful for setting boundaries. Fear that I am "bad". He continues to redeem me and set me free. He continues to rescue me and show me that I am His! 

I can identify with Paul in the Bible who says "But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me--and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the other apostles; yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace." 1 Corinthians 15:10