The Helpful Woman

I promised to share my study of Proverbs 31 woman when I wrote my last blog posting, An Excellent Wife?! So here I will began posting my studies. I have learned so much and truly enjoyed learning more about this Excellent Wife. She's not just a wife though.. she is every woman! As we draw closer to God, then we can become excellent women. I hope you can learn some things about her like I did! Finding wisdom in her testimony and the understanding of this woman, in her day, will hopefully bless you like it did me!

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Here's some background about this chapter:

Proverbs 31 was written to King Lemuel from his mother. Lemuel means “belonging to God” and this is the only mention of King Lemuel in the Bible that we know of.

Interesting note: These last verses of Prov. 31 is an acrostic poem.

Psalms that follow an acrostic pattern begin each line with a consecutive letter of the Hebrew alphabet. Since the Hebrew alphabet contains 22 letters, psalms written with this structure demonstrate great skill on the part of the psalmist: acrostic psalms must both say something meaningful as well as conform to the sequence of the alphabet.

Psalm 111 is a complete acrostic psalm & Psalm 119 is perhaps the most recognizable acrostic psalm. It consists of 22 stanzas of eight verses, each set of which begin with the same letter of the Hebrew alphabet.

It is not clear if acrostic patterns were used for any reason other their aesthetic value. It is possible they were used to aid memorization. This may be true especially in shorter acrostics like Psalms 111. It is also possible they are meant to portray comprehensiveness (i.e., everything from A to Z). For example, the acrostic in Psalm 119 seems to represent a comprehensive statement about responding to God and His Law. [1]

Let's begin with Proverbs 31:10-12

The wife of noble character is also spoken of in 12:4. Ruth was referred to as being noble in Ruth 3:11. Noble can also be translated as “capable”. In Exodus 18 when Moses appointed different men to be over groups of hundreds, fifties, tens, etc. then God told him to find capable men for this position. Capable means to fear God and be honest & trustworthy. Noble also translates to mean a virtuous woman with moral integrity, strength, and courage.

Capable and noble men and women are rare to find. That’s why the Psalmist is asking us “who can find one?” Not because it’s impossible, but because someone with this type of character is rare.

photo credit: www.parents.com

In verses 11, 23, & 28 her husband is mentioned. This is a total of 3 times and is also mentioned in verse 12 as “him”. He relies on her and her household management skills. Because of her skill then it enhances his wealth. This makes me think of a woman who is frugal and doesn’t waste money. She stretches her dollars. Maybe she coupons. Maybe she finds good deals when shopping. Maybe she knows how to bargain with sales people. Maybe she is patient to wait til something is on sale before she buys it. Maybe she sews her own clothing or that of her children? Maybe she works to help provide income while also managing the household. There are many ways for a woman to contribute to a man’s wealth. The noble wife will do what she needs to do to be a blessing and contribute to the family income! She longs to be helpful and not a burden to their financial budget.

As verse 12 elaborates.. she is an asset to him. She helps him, supports him, and encourages him! She does not encumber him. She is faithful to help him all of her life. The good that comes to him is directly because of the help his wife offers him! This makes me think of the old saying, “Behind every good man is a woman.” Not from the feminist standpoint.. this phrase actually can be traced back before the 1940’s.. before the feminist movement. I think of it from the standpoint that it is the love, support, encouragement, and help mate of a wife who helps to make her husband successful & great!

I personally like to coupon and look for good deals or shop clearance sales! I am also never afraid to ask for a discount!! (Honestly, asking is the hardest part.. I can nearly always get a discount just because I ask for one!) 

What about you? What are some ways you enjoy  contributing to your household?

Go to verses 13-15 

The Planning Woman

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^[1] Barry, J. D., Heiser, M. S., Custis, M., Mangum, D., & Whitehead, M. M. (2012). Faithlife Study Bible. Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software.

An Excellent Wife?

Lately I've been doing a personal study on the Proverbs 31 woman. The excellent wife. It has been quite enlightening to me, honestly. You read over everything this woman does and it seems impossible. It is daunting the thought of trying to live up to the high standard she upholds as a wife and even as a mother. However, the thing I'm learning most about her? Not that she's unattainable to mimic, but that she is using the gifts she has to serve the Lord. That's what is most beautiful about her!

Photo credit: www.theheartofhannah.com

I love that she helps her family out financially. Some of us are called to work outside of the home full-time or part-time. Some of us are called to work inside the home. It seems that this woman runs a business out of her home by doing sewing and selling her goods. She is quite talented at it too, because she saves enough money to even buy a vineyard with her earnings. We don't know what she does with her vineyard, but it definitely piques my interest. Does she decide to do farming and sell those good to the merchants too? Maybe she's deciding to grow an orchard? Possibly, she has purchased this property in order to have the space to plant more food for her family to eat! She is a woman who is determined to help her family in whatever way she can.. that we know!

She is also a planner. She is organized and takes the time to think ahead for her family and anticipate needs they may have. She is a woman who feeds her soul and nourishes herself spiritually. She helps her husband and encourages him. She works alongside the servants of her household and doesn't just order them around for the sake of being able to. She treats others with kindness and helps the needy whenever she can. Once again, we see that she is using her gifts to bless her family and others!

The thing that convicted me most about the study I've done of her (which is not completed) is that she does all these things with a cheerful heart. I love my family. I love serving them, cooking for them, and helping them. I love homeschooling our children. I even like folding their laundry (just not always putting it away, ha!). You may ask how in the world I can like these things? The reason is because I get to do it. I am thankful to have a family with many children. I am grateful they have clothes to wear. Those piled up dishes are because we had food to eat and I get to wash them in a home that has heat & air with clean, running water. I am privileged to stay at home and teach them throughout the day, watch them understand a new concept, and rejoice when they get "it"! These are blessings to me! However, I had really fallen into a pattern of grumbling.

Now, I wasn't grumbling out loud, mind you. I was grumbling under my breath. Annoyed in my head and becoming bitter in my heart. As I began this study then the Lord really convicted me. That's not what He wants for me. That is sin... plain & simple and I had to go to the cross and repent. Sister, we all have choices to make. Regardless of where you are in life, are you grumbling over the blessings God has given you?

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Some women work full-time and keep up a home and take care of the children too. Some women are stay at home moms working within the household and serving the children without many breaks. The question I ask you is... are you delighting in the Lord? Are you planning well for the needs of your family? Lastly, are you using your talents to please the Father?

When I finish my study of Proverbs 31, then I will be sure to post it! For now though, I just want to leave you with the notion... we can add to the blessing of our family and we can take away from the blessing of our family. Which sort of woman are you?

Growth in Marriage

I was 17 when I met my husband, Andy. It was at a time in my life that I wrestled with who I was. I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't feel worthy of love. I didn't feel like anyone even liked me. Then, this man came into my life and treasured me.. truly treasured me. He showed me the absolute love of Jesus and there were many times I was very undeserving it too. As soon as we met, then we truly knew that the Lord had brought us together for marriage.

The Lord spoke to me as a young girl and told me that I would be married young. He shared with me that my husband would have brown hair and blue eyes and that he would be in ministry. I knew early in my life that I would be a "Pastor's Wife" and I looked forward to those duties. So I never dated any boys who didn't have brown hair and blue eyes and they had to truly love Jesus. I only dated one boy who didn't have the call of ministry (in some capacity) on his heart. It's funny as I think about that now. I reflect on those things now and am glad I had those priorities in my life. I wasn't the type of girl who desired to date around anyways, but I think being picky in this way definitely kept me from straying to the wrong type of boy throughout my school years.

So I met Andy who had brown hair, blue eyes, and was finishing his degree in biblical studies in order to fulfill a call of ministry in his life. I knew the Lord brought us together to be eachother's help mates. So, we married 10 short months after we met.

I have told people often that Andy rescued me. No doubt it was God's way of lifting me up out of the miry clay I was drowning in. My family life felt devastating. Life with my mother felt unwelcome. We fought often when I was home from college. She told me how I should & should not feel about everything. If I disagreed with her then I was told how wrong, ridiculous, or silly I was being. Or the biggest crusher? How un-christian I was. I was told often how I should be on anti-depressants so I would be more pleasant to be around. The truth is, I was fighting for me. For who I was and wanted to be. My Father had disowned me at this time. Threatening to take me out of his will as one of his children. I felt very abandoned by him. However, the Lord had brought Andy to me during these tumultuous days.... It was obvious, in my mind, God sent Him to rescue me.

Our first months together (I must add we didn't really know eachother, ha!) were wonderful. Filled with figuring eachother out & learning who each of us was together. However, the next few months were harder. I wanted Andy to identify who I was and love me too. I wanted Andy to fulfill the brokenness I felt within my soul. I expected him to never make me angry or hurt me as I had felt so damaged by anger & hurtfulness in the years prior to meeting him. Andy was patient with me and full of grace for my shortcomings, but after a point he began to resent my difficult personality.

God was so gracious to orchestrate many things in my life that ultimately led to redemption for me and our marriage. He put a friend in my path who bravely and lovingly pointed out to me what a terrible wife I was being. Yes, that sounds harsh, and yes it wasn't easy to hear! Was it the truth? Sadly, it absolutely was! God began convicting me of my ungrateful & unthankful heart. I was a complainer. I had difficulty finding good in anything. I sought out the negative and never looked for blessings. So, I began practicing only thankfulness. If I felt negative towards something, then I began to hold it in and just tell God about it and never voiced it to Andy (or others).

Several years passed. Through many convictions & prayers our marriage was better. I was still having many dark days though and I sought out Christian counsel for myself. My counselor helped me to further investigate who I am in Christ! My husband couldn't identify me or fulfill me. Only the cross of Jesus Christ was equipped to handle those uncertainties in my life. So I began running to Jesus and asking Him to reveal to me who I was. So He did! As I ran to Jesus to discover who I was in Him, then Andy and I began growing closer. Our marriage began to strengthen and we began to do marriage, parenthood, and life together instead of Andy having to usher me & hold me up through our married life.

Our marriage of 12 years is truly one of redemption and I am so thankful that Andy didn't give up on me. I am grateful that I didn't give up on me. I am overwhelmed that God didn't give up on me. Ladies, let me encourage you that no man can heal your brokenness or repair the damage you have felt in your life. Only Christ can do this for you! I have been one blessed lady to have a man like Andy who didn't leave me destitute in my brokenness. He saw me through it all and waited on the Lord to work in my life. However, I am sure that he would tell you it wasn't easy and I have no doubt that he felt like giving up on me often. Praise God he didn't!! I can assure you the redemption of our marriage has been sweet. We are truly so blessed to have eachother. Although, we walked through many difficult years we still have some hard days every now & then. However, we stay committed & loyal to eachother. We love doing life together and are truly more in love today than we were in the beginning when we were so young & in love.

12 years of marriage together

Seek the Lord, sweet Sisters, to repair the heartaches in your life. He loves you and desires for you to have full & complete freedom! While I'm not opposed to medications when they are needed.. I also know the power of counseling and how working through the sins in your life (both sins you've committed and sins done to you) can redeem you from depression. Isaiah 49:16 "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;    your walls are ever before me." The Lord holds you in His hands and He longs to redeem you, heal you... FREE you! 

Micah 7:18 "Who is a God like you,    who pardons sin and forgives the transgression    of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever  but delight to show mercy."

Run to the Father, sweet sister! Find your joy & completeness in Him and Him alone!! "He would have to be less God to love us less... It's impossible. He is the initiator of our love! The source is Him. If we love Him it's because He loved us first" (Beth Moore) 1 John 5:14-15 " This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."

Sometimes Hardships Happen

Today was a hard day. My husband did his first funeral as a pastor today. It was a hard funeral to do. The husband of one of our church members committed suicide this week & there was much dissension between this man's family and his wife. The tension of the atmosphere in funeral home was thick in the air. As I sat there in the funeral home, holding a child on each side of me, and listening to my husband I was praying for him fervently. For God to anoint him. For the Lord to give him words. For the Lord to comfort all the people there who were hurting, but mostly for my husband because the situation wasn't easy. It was after several minutes I realized I wasn't even breathing... I had been holding my breath! Bitterness surrounded us in a mighty way. So much so, the funeral home separated the families to opposite sides of the room. It felt like a Hatfield vs McCoys feud. So as you can read, there were many factors affecting this funeral... and even some other factors too personal to this family that I won't even mention. 

In the middle of his sermon he presented the gospel of Jesus as the only hope in light of the uncertainty they were all feeling, and several people got up and walked out. We didn't have the chance to know her husband well as he had only come to our church just a few times, but he was a nice man. We also weren't sure if he was a believer in Jesus as his Savior.. and his wife also wasn't certain. Although we don't have hope to know for certain if he is now in Heaven.. we can still have hope in the One who reigns in Heaven! (Let me stop and say that although suicide is a sin and selfish.. I also want to be sure to say that it doesn't cause us to lose our salvation. If someone is saved and in such a desperate state that they commit suicide, then they are still in Heaven with the Father. We cannot ever lose ourr salvation. Our salvation is for eternity. The only way to miss Heaven is if you do not believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior of your sins.) All of that being said, this was my husband's first funeral as a new pastor and it was difficult to prepare for & speak life into. Speaking the truth in love is never easy, but he did it & I'm so proud of him! 

Our big kids came with us and sat at the funeral home quietly and still for 2 hours. It was a huge expectation for them, but they did it and I am proud of them too! As a ministry family, then it is most important to me that they understand the true meaning of serving Jesus. Sometimes, this means doing hard things, difficult things, boring things... sometimes it means doing acts of service for others that require our time and/or our money. I prepped them, "I need you to have the most self control you've ever had in your entire life. This will be very hard and it won't be fun. Please know within yourself that it's going to be very boring. But today is not about us. Today is about our friend and we get to serve her today by being here for her today. By serving her, then we get to serve Jesus. *That* is why we're here on Earth... to serve Jesus." They both replied okay and they were so well behaved and made this Momma so very proud. Sometimes, life just isn't about us, is it? It's a hard lesson, but one I want my children to learn early.

Days like today make me somber even though I'm proud. To know that we are never promised tomorrow and bad things happen and we don't always have the answers. But God knows! He holds us in His loving arms. It makes me thankful that I know my Savior. It makes me grateful for this family I've been given, and to show them my love even more. It makes me proud to see our small church come together and bless a family in need. Today, even though my thoughts & heart feel reflective.. I am proud and grateful for the goodness of God that surrounds me. I hope that you can also start your 2016 out thinking about what God means to you, what He has done in your life, and what journey awaits you this year.

Despite hardships and heartaches.. He is still God and He sits on the Throne.. and what a privilege it is to honor & worship Him! If you don't know this Savior I speak of, then let me invite you to consider a personal relationship with Him. Jesus is the only hope we have in this very broken, fallen world! He is the Author of all creation... including you! He is the only One who can satisfy the brokenness we feel when things happen that we truly don't understand. 

Romans 10:9 

"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Admit to Jesus that you're a sinner

Believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and died on the cross for your sins and was raised again from the dead 3 days later

Confess your faith in Jesus Christ and you are saved!

Saved from your sins. Saved from eternal separation from God when you die. Saved from hopelessness and despair. 

Share your decision with someone... a Christian friend, a pastor, a mentor. Asked to be baptized as this is the first public confession of your faith. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed... this is a time to rejoice!

Numbers 6:25

"May the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you"

Devine Acts of Kindness

It's Christmas-time! It truly is my family's favorite time of year!! We begin decorating after Halloween, so that we can enjoy the lights & colors of the season for as long as possible! My husband and I love buying gifts for our children that we know they will love & have wanted. However, we don't do an extravagant Christmas and we certainly don't focus on gifts.

Our focus on Christmas is all about Jesus! Jesus gave the ultimate gift when He left a face-to-face communion with the Father to be born a lowly baby here on this earth. Not because He wanted to or chose to, but out of obedience to God and out of ultimate, sacrificing love for us! I am *so* thankful for His ultimate gift for us.

So, at Christmas we like our Children to focus on acts of kindness! We want to bless others by using our gifts/talents!!

Many people do this in the month of December and it can get expensive. Buying & donating gifts to shelters, safe homes, and other places that minister to people around the world. There is a real need for these places and donating gifts/money is definitely helpful! However, what do you do when you don't have the extra money to donate hundreds of dollars? You get creative with your blessings!

We packed shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child to give gifts to other children around the world. This one can be as pricey as you want. Our church partners together and our small congregation packed almost 100 boxes together! This was truly a blessing!!

Our children are old enough that they love to make cards! So we sent cards to hospitalized children. Children who are hospitalized for extended stays! You can do this too!!

Just mail your card(s) to:

Cards for Hospitalized Kids

7290 W Devon Ave

Chicago, IL 60631

The great thing about this Act of Kindness is that they love receiving cards year around, so this is something we can do atleast once a month!

We rung the bell at Big Lots for the Salvation Army! It's been a warm December, but it wasn't this day. It was 27 degrees outside and the wind was blowing! Our children were such troopers and we were so proud of their willing hearts!

We wrote a Thank You note for our mailman and bought some cookies at the store for just a couple of dollars. We put it in our mailbox with a water bottle and put the flag up for him to get one evening!  We also intend to do this for our garbage men! Let's face it... delivering mail & picking up garbage are pretty thankless jobs... so we were extra excited to bless these professions!

**We were going to go even cheaper and do homemade cookies, but my concern was that with all the cruelties in this world people have to be so careful. Especially government funded employees. I was concerned that if we made them homemade cookies they may have been warned not to eat them. I don't know?! But I wanted to be safer than sorry, so we got the store-bought kind.** 

We had a gift card that we didn't use all of, so we handed the remaining balance of the card over to the person behind us and she was *thrilled*!

We make sure to be kind to everyone we meet and say thank you for all their hard work. Retail & service employees have the hardest jobs dealing with the public, and I can tell you from personal experience that a kind customer makes for a better day.

We have other things in mind for this Christmas season... goodies to make and hand out to Sunday School teachers & our neighbors. Popcorn to be taped onto a Redbox machine, and more blessings to be shared. 

I just want to share a few of our experiences to help others' understand that an Act of Kindness doesn't *have* to be every day and it doesn't have to cost $30/day. It can be simple and heartfelt... and it can mean just as much to the receiver. 

How will you choose to be a blessing today?

From our family to yours... Merry Christmas!!