My Portion Forever

Reading through a Bible Study book this morning and the author had written this Psalm.

It's Sunday morning. I'm home with a sick kiddo. So many people who attend our church are out of town or sick this morning. We have visitors coming and my pride is stirring deep in my soul. Fears that they will walk in and not see many people and leave to never return haunt me. 

Lest you think I'm overly dramatic, let me also state: The hubs has worked hard on his sermon this morning. Hours of labored studying late into the night each night after his full time job and I'm feeling distraught at the fact he has prepared this beautiful sermon for only a handful of people. 

Now, do I know there will only be a handful of people for sure? Nope, I don't. But in my flesh... I am certain nobody is going to be at church this morning. I am lamenting and frustrated that I cannot even go myself! Nevertheless, I send my sweet husband and precious healthy children off to church while I wave goodbye listening to the sick child call for me once more.

Afterwards, I sit down to read some of my already mentioned book and read that Psalm. Oh how the Lord loves to correct us in our sinfulness. I love to be corrected by Him. (Weird.. I know.) Although it is often painful and not a fun process.. I love that it brings me back into the fold of His arms and His strength and makes me relinquish my own will.

So I read this Psalm from above and the Lord spoke truth over me...

He is our portion! He is *my* portion. When my desires or plans don't prosper. When my perceptions & ideas fail. My portion is Him! Forever! He is my strength when I feel disappointed. The hubs pastors this church and I serve this church (we both so dearly love & cherish) for Him and Him alone! Not for anyone else.

So I prayed for revival this morning within our church. My prayer is the Lord will strip away all the preconceived notions that I have (which I think He did that already, don't you?) Because it's not about our songs/music. It's not about special readings. It's not about sound boards or nursery workers. It's not about how many people are in those pews to warm them today. It's only about Jesus!

As I felt the same stir of feelings earlier this summer on my way to a breakfast I had planned for our church ladies, then the Lord showed me the same thing. It's not about the food, the people, the visitors, etc. It's about Me, He says. So I prayed for the Lord to strip it all away and make it about Him! Oh He is SOO good, because He did that! We had an amazing prayer service (which I had not planned) and even a woman was saved!! How great and how good the Father's love is for us!

Ephesians 3:20 says He will go exceedingly beyond our wildest dreams...

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Then I sat down and began reading the book of Mark and was blessed by something I hadn't noticed before. Mark 3:7-8.

7 Jesus withdrew with his disciples to the sea, and a great crowd followed, from Galilee and Judea 8 and Jerusalem and Idumea and from beyond the Jordan and from around Tyre and Sidon. When the great crowd heard all that he was doing, they came to him.

Have you ever read these verses and passed them over? Holy smokes... these places listed were no where NEAR the Sea of Galilee! (In chapter 2 He was stated to be in Capernaum, right on the edge of the Sea of Galilee, so we know that's what sea they're referring to in Chapter 3. Plus, my commentary says so too!) 

People coming from Idumea... Isn't that nuts? They were walking or on camels/donkeys too, ya'll. Let me just say... they weren't on airplanes! All the way to see Jesus! Whether they wanted healing or to just check Him out. Some were scribes who wanted to find fault with Him. Nonetheless, He preached the truth. He healed. He saved. He comforted. He loved. He called. He equipped. He served.

He did what the Father sent Him to do and because He did, then his ministry was fruitful! People came from all over to be apart of His ministry!

So the Lord showed me... even though we are a small little church in a country setting surrounded by corn.. if we do His ministry with Him in mind (and not ourselves) then He will be fruitful to multiply us... if (and when) He so chooses. Location cannot stop Him! 

Everything else may fail, but He is our portion! He is our strength! Truly... we desire nothing on this earth but Him being glorified. It is only, ever, all about Jesus!

Growth in Marriage

I was 17 when I met my husband, Andy. It was at a time in my life that I wrestled with who I was. I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't feel worthy of love. I didn't feel like anyone even liked me. Then, this man came into my life and treasured me.. truly treasured me. He showed me the absolute love of Jesus and there were many times I was very undeserving it too. As soon as we met, then we truly knew that the Lord had brought us together for marriage.

The Lord spoke to me as a young girl and told me that I would be married young. He shared with me that my husband would have brown hair and blue eyes and that he would be in ministry. I knew early in my life that I would be a "Pastor's Wife" and I looked forward to those duties. So I never dated any boys who didn't have brown hair and blue eyes and they had to truly love Jesus. I only dated one boy who didn't have the call of ministry (in some capacity) on his heart. It's funny as I think about that now. I reflect on those things now and am glad I had those priorities in my life. I wasn't the type of girl who desired to date around anyways, but I think being picky in this way definitely kept me from straying to the wrong type of boy throughout my school years.

So I met Andy who had brown hair, blue eyes, and was finishing his degree in biblical studies in order to fulfill a call of ministry in his life. I knew the Lord brought us together to be eachother's help mates. So, we married 10 short months after we met.

I have told people often that Andy rescued me. No doubt it was God's way of lifting me up out of the miry clay I was drowning in. My family life felt devastating. Life with my mother felt unwelcome. We fought often when I was home from college. She told me how I should & should not feel about everything. If I disagreed with her then I was told how wrong, ridiculous, or silly I was being. Or the biggest crusher? How un-christian I was. I was told often how I should be on anti-depressants so I would be more pleasant to be around. The truth is, I was fighting for me. For who I was and wanted to be. My Father had disowned me at this time. Threatening to take me out of his will as one of his children. I felt very abandoned by him. However, the Lord had brought Andy to me during these tumultuous days.... It was obvious, in my mind, God sent Him to rescue me.

Our first months together (I must add we didn't really know eachother, ha!) were wonderful. Filled with figuring eachother out & learning who each of us was together. However, the next few months were harder. I wanted Andy to identify who I was and love me too. I wanted Andy to fulfill the brokenness I felt within my soul. I expected him to never make me angry or hurt me as I had felt so damaged by anger & hurtfulness in the years prior to meeting him. Andy was patient with me and full of grace for my shortcomings, but after a point he began to resent my difficult personality.

God was so gracious to orchestrate many things in my life that ultimately led to redemption for me and our marriage. He put a friend in my path who bravely and lovingly pointed out to me what a terrible wife I was being. Yes, that sounds harsh, and yes it wasn't easy to hear! Was it the truth? Sadly, it absolutely was! God began convicting me of my ungrateful & unthankful heart. I was a complainer. I had difficulty finding good in anything. I sought out the negative and never looked for blessings. So, I began practicing only thankfulness. If I felt negative towards something, then I began to hold it in and just tell God about it and never voiced it to Andy (or others).

Several years passed. Through many convictions & prayers our marriage was better. I was still having many dark days though and I sought out Christian counsel for myself. My counselor helped me to further investigate who I am in Christ! My husband couldn't identify me or fulfill me. Only the cross of Jesus Christ was equipped to handle those uncertainties in my life. So I began running to Jesus and asking Him to reveal to me who I was. So He did! As I ran to Jesus to discover who I was in Him, then Andy and I began growing closer. Our marriage began to strengthen and we began to do marriage, parenthood, and life together instead of Andy having to usher me & hold me up through our married life.

Our marriage of 12 years is truly one of redemption and I am so thankful that Andy didn't give up on me. I am grateful that I didn't give up on me. I am overwhelmed that God didn't give up on me. Ladies, let me encourage you that no man can heal your brokenness or repair the damage you have felt in your life. Only Christ can do this for you! I have been one blessed lady to have a man like Andy who didn't leave me destitute in my brokenness. He saw me through it all and waited on the Lord to work in my life. However, I am sure that he would tell you it wasn't easy and I have no doubt that he felt like giving up on me often. Praise God he didn't!! I can assure you the redemption of our marriage has been sweet. We are truly so blessed to have eachother. Although, we walked through many difficult years we still have some hard days every now & then. However, we stay committed & loyal to eachother. We love doing life together and are truly more in love today than we were in the beginning when we were so young & in love.

12 years of marriage together

Seek the Lord, sweet Sisters, to repair the heartaches in your life. He loves you and desires for you to have full & complete freedom! While I'm not opposed to medications when they are needed.. I also know the power of counseling and how working through the sins in your life (both sins you've committed and sins done to you) can redeem you from depression. Isaiah 49:16 "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;    your walls are ever before me." The Lord holds you in His hands and He longs to redeem you, heal you... FREE you! 

Micah 7:18 "Who is a God like you,    who pardons sin and forgives the transgression    of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever  but delight to show mercy."

Run to the Father, sweet sister! Find your joy & completeness in Him and Him alone!! "He would have to be less God to love us less... It's impossible. He is the initiator of our love! The source is Him. If we love Him it's because He loved us first" (Beth Moore) 1 John 5:14-15 " This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."

Sometimes Hardships Happen

Today was a hard day. My husband did his first funeral as a pastor today. It was a hard funeral to do. The husband of one of our church members committed suicide this week & there was much dissension between this man's family and his wife. The tension of the atmosphere in funeral home was thick in the air. As I sat there in the funeral home, holding a child on each side of me, and listening to my husband I was praying for him fervently. For God to anoint him. For the Lord to give him words. For the Lord to comfort all the people there who were hurting, but mostly for my husband because the situation wasn't easy. It was after several minutes I realized I wasn't even breathing... I had been holding my breath! Bitterness surrounded us in a mighty way. So much so, the funeral home separated the families to opposite sides of the room. It felt like a Hatfield vs McCoys feud. So as you can read, there were many factors affecting this funeral... and even some other factors too personal to this family that I won't even mention. 

In the middle of his sermon he presented the gospel of Jesus as the only hope in light of the uncertainty they were all feeling, and several people got up and walked out. We didn't have the chance to know her husband well as he had only come to our church just a few times, but he was a nice man. We also weren't sure if he was a believer in Jesus as his Savior.. and his wife also wasn't certain. Although we don't have hope to know for certain if he is now in Heaven.. we can still have hope in the One who reigns in Heaven! (Let me stop and say that although suicide is a sin and selfish.. I also want to be sure to say that it doesn't cause us to lose our salvation. If someone is saved and in such a desperate state that they commit suicide, then they are still in Heaven with the Father. We cannot ever lose ourr salvation. Our salvation is for eternity. The only way to miss Heaven is if you do not believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior of your sins.) All of that being said, this was my husband's first funeral as a new pastor and it was difficult to prepare for & speak life into. Speaking the truth in love is never easy, but he did it & I'm so proud of him! 

Our big kids came with us and sat at the funeral home quietly and still for 2 hours. It was a huge expectation for them, but they did it and I am proud of them too! As a ministry family, then it is most important to me that they understand the true meaning of serving Jesus. Sometimes, this means doing hard things, difficult things, boring things... sometimes it means doing acts of service for others that require our time and/or our money. I prepped them, "I need you to have the most self control you've ever had in your entire life. This will be very hard and it won't be fun. Please know within yourself that it's going to be very boring. But today is not about us. Today is about our friend and we get to serve her today by being here for her today. By serving her, then we get to serve Jesus. *That* is why we're here on Earth... to serve Jesus." They both replied okay and they were so well behaved and made this Momma so very proud. Sometimes, life just isn't about us, is it? It's a hard lesson, but one I want my children to learn early.

Days like today make me somber even though I'm proud. To know that we are never promised tomorrow and bad things happen and we don't always have the answers. But God knows! He holds us in His loving arms. It makes me thankful that I know my Savior. It makes me grateful for this family I've been given, and to show them my love even more. It makes me proud to see our small church come together and bless a family in need. Today, even though my thoughts & heart feel reflective.. I am proud and grateful for the goodness of God that surrounds me. I hope that you can also start your 2016 out thinking about what God means to you, what He has done in your life, and what journey awaits you this year.

Despite hardships and heartaches.. He is still God and He sits on the Throne.. and what a privilege it is to honor & worship Him! If you don't know this Savior I speak of, then let me invite you to consider a personal relationship with Him. Jesus is the only hope we have in this very broken, fallen world! He is the Author of all creation... including you! He is the only One who can satisfy the brokenness we feel when things happen that we truly don't understand. 

Romans 10:9 

"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Admit to Jesus that you're a sinner

Believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and died on the cross for your sins and was raised again from the dead 3 days later

Confess your faith in Jesus Christ and you are saved!

Saved from your sins. Saved from eternal separation from God when you die. Saved from hopelessness and despair. 

Share your decision with someone... a Christian friend, a pastor, a mentor. Asked to be baptized as this is the first public confession of your faith. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed... this is a time to rejoice!

Numbers 6:25

"May the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you"

Time of New Beginnings

We moved to Northwestern Kentucky at the beginning of January from East Tennessee. I had a thriving Pampered Chef business that I had built over the last 3 years. I loved my business, my customers, and the self-worth I felt in what the Lord had given me the wisdom to build.

Growing up in a home where I experienced gaslighting (click on gaslighting to get more information on what gaslighting is) on a consistent basis I felt like I was in a constant state of confusion. Anytime I questioned my mom (as a child or an adult), stood up for myself against accusations, shared my viewpoints, etc. then I was repeatedly told, "That's not what happened and you know it." or "It's because you're so sensitive." or "That's not true." So I was left trying to figure out if what I thought was true was really true. Could it be that I was wrong about what I thought was true? I felt a little crazy.. most of the time! I would spend *days* going over conversations in my mind and trying to sort out the details so I could understand what the "truth" was. It was mentally exhausting.

Due to my "constant state of confusion" I felt truly unintelligent. I didn't feel bright at all. So for me to have built a good business from the ground up made me feel clever! It made me feel like I was capable of great things! After my shows, customers would sit around a table, eat my delicious creations, and praise my accomplishments for a great, entertaining show. They relished the food I prepared for them. I was shocked! I didn't think I could be good at anything!!

So you see, when we moved away from my thriving business I mourned the loss of what I would no longer have. I had the possibility of re-starting my business, but every time I prayed about starting a Pampered Chef business here I just didn't have any sort of peace about it. I even had shows lined up and after much, much prayer I realized the Lord didn't want me to continue on with the business I loved. Despite the fact I didn't understand this call, I obeyed.


So now, fast forward from my resignation to now, exactly 4 months. The Lord has opened up so many doors for me to be in teaching positions here! Unfortunately, none of these are paid, but it's my prayer that I am helping women grow in their relationships with Jesus and that's worth so much more than a paycheck!  I am now teaching 11 Kindergarten & 1st grade students in our homeschool co-op! This is a brand new concept for me, but I'm having so much fun with these sweet kiddos! I have been teaching a bible study with Beth Moore for about 3 months now and the blessings of this bible study has nourished my dry & weary soul in a splendid way!! Lastly, the Lord just recently opened up the opportunity for me to start a women's Sunday School class on Sunday mornings at our church! Whew.. 3 classes! I would've laughed if you told me this a year ago! It takes much time and preparation, but I am reveling in it! I am passionate about supporting women in their journey of truth about Jesus! What a blessing and an honor as He has bestowed these classes upon me!

It's interesting that when we give up the things we love... when the Lord calls us to do so... then He brings us bigger blessings more than we could expect! I look back now and all I can think is, "Okay Lord! I get it now! There's no way I could run my business, homeschool 2 kids + a toddler, be a pastor's wife, and teach 3 classes!" The latter 3 keep me busy enough!! God is good and His faithfulness endures forever!!

Isaiah 52:1-3 

"Awake, awake, O Zion, 

clothe yourself with strength. 

Put on your garments of splendor...

Shake off your dust; 

rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem, 

Free yourself from the chains on your 

neck, 

O Captive Daughter of Zion. 

For this is what the Lord says: 

'You were sold for you nothing, 

and without money you will be 

redeemed.'" 

Hallelujah and AMEN!