Sin of Dissatisfaction

Have you ever been guilty of the sin of dissatisfaction?

credited to www.fourgrainer.com

Is your house not big enough or nice enough?
Is your car not the one you wish you were driving?
Do you wish your children behaved all of the time?
Do you wish your husband romanced you like the husbands of the Hallmark movies?
Do you wish your wife had it all together?
Do you wish your boss recognized your talent?
Do you wish friends recognized your work in the friendship?
Do you wish you were prettier, thinner, better, etc?
Do you wish someone would notice you for who you are and everything you do?

I am guilty! G-U-I-L-T-Y!! Not that I admit that with excitement. It's more like, I admit it shamefully.. with my head down, eyes averted, and sheepishly raising my hand explaining that yes... sometimes, I do indeed wish for more than I actually have.

How satan just loves to turn our satisfaction into dissatisfaction!! Stop looking at what seems to be  lacking and let's look at what has been given...

My house is warm on this day that feels like it's below 0 outside.

My vehicles gets us from point A to point B safely.

My children are children... and although they don't always behave how I wish they would, then I can praise God they are all healthy and strong! Those strong minds will mean they have strength to stand up for what's right!

My husband may not woo me in the ways I may selfishly desire, but he works hard to provide for us. He helps me with our children. He doesn't complain that the house is a mess and dinner isn't ready on time. He is gracious to me.

I'm the wife who doesn't have it all together and the house is rarely clean, but our kids are healthy, doing homeschool, & well-fed. Hey! That must count for something!!



The Lord has given me many blessings! It is downright sinful to be so ungrateful as to complain that what I've been given is not enough. It is only pride and idolatry that breeds that sin. Adam and Eve had everything in the Garden of Eden. They lacked nothing. Everything wrong in this world: in our marriages, in our families, in our churches, etc. was lacking. So it's safe to say... sin isn't because of what we have. Sin isn't because of what we don't have. Sin is simply an issue of our heart. Oh how desperately deceitful our hearts are!! (Jeremiah 17:9) Do not buy satan's lies that we need more stuff, bigger salaries, & better things. Less of our man, less of our children, less of our church, etc.


Sweet Friend, let's take our thoughts captive to the Lord. Remembering that above all, He is the King, and we are only on this earth to worship & honor him. We are only on this earth to tell others about Him! Who am I to say that what I don't have is good enough? Truly, how good the Lord is to me. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says, "The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." Praise Him!

When I wrestle with such sinfulness in my heart, then it's my prayer that as sisters in the Lord we can lift each other up in prayer and ask the Lord to make our hearts grateful and our minds satisfied. He alone... Jesus alone... is enough!

Are You On Guard?

As I got out of bed in the middle of the night a few nights ago, then our dog got up with me. She walked around our bedroom and then went and laid back down in her bed. It dawned on me, every time I get up in the middle of the night whether to go to the bathroom, to calm a crying child, or whatever the case may be.. then our sweet Cassie gets up with me. She's even been known to alert me when a child wakes up crying and I haven't woken up enough to hear them yet. She is always on guard.


Then I thought, no wonder she (or really any other "guard" dog) sleeps all day. She never fully sleeps through the night, because she is always on guard. Next, a couple other thoughts came to my mind. Yes, it was still the middle of the night, ha!


1. How often do we feel that we have to be on guard? How often do we feel that we have to get up and fix things, check on things, and be in control of all situations? Do we trust the Father? Do we trust that God has our best interest at heart and we can rest in Him knowing that He has got everything planned out for us? He has control over what will happen in our lives. He will go before us... provide for us and prepare the way for us. So, do we trust Him? Or are you constantly getting up and trying to figure out what's happening next? Do you walk around aimlessly seeking out what your next move shall be? Do you do this to the point that you're consistently left defeated and exhausted from all that this world offers?



2. My next thought was the flip side of this. Satan roams around this earth looking for whom he can devour next. Are we on guard? We fight against the principalities of this world and there is so much darkness surrounding us. If we don't keep ourselves on guard against the enemy, then he can so easily steal our joy. We can so easily buy into the lies that he offers: you aren't good enough, you aren't pretty enough, you aren't worth enough. That is not who God says we, as believers, are though! The Bible tells us to be on guard against evil. So be your own guard dog and guard your thoughts and your heart against the wickedness of this world and don't believe the father of lies when he speaks fiction over you.


So what category do you fall under? I think we need to have a balance in our lives. It's not easy and I've been guilty of falling into both of these traps. Let's see what God's word says about this.


Exodus 23:20 See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.

Matthew 11:10 I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way before you.

Genesis 50:21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children. And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 22:8 "He trusts in the Lord,” they say, “let the Lord rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him

Likewise..

1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.

Ephesians 6:11-12 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

John 8:44 He [satan] was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.


What does the Bible say about who I am?

John 15:15 I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father

Romans 3:24 But they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus

Proverbs 31:25 You are clothed with strength and dignity.

Isaiah 61:10 I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.


Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace


So let's gather together and trust that the Lord, the Ancient of Days, will not forsake us and He is our deliverer and we can trust that He will work all things out for us, but let us also be on guard against the evil of this world while also not believing that which satan means for our harm.

Isaiah 46:9-10 Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose."

Celebrating Deliverance

I have been pretty candid on my blog so far about having to walk away from mentally & emotionally abusive relationships and the fear that is still a stronghold (although it's thankfully dwindling) in my life. However, as I am wrapping up my bible study on the book of Esther with Beth Moore the Lord continues to reveal to me that He holds me in His hands. I am excited to tell you, Friend... He holds you too!!

Please allow me to share a few things I've learned over the last few days that are cultivating my continued healing.

Esther 9:19 tells us of the new appointed holiday that the Jews will annually celebrate. This is because they are free from the decree that was put on them by Haman to annihilate and destroy all of them. They decided to celebrate... they chose joy!! Beth Moore states, "Because Christ has overcome sin and the grave, any day can be a day of joy, but can you imagine the impact of becoming deliberate about it?"

Feast of Purim

So on this special day they give presents and special food to each other along with throwing feasts & banquets. In the passage, you'll see the word gift or present.Those words can mean gift of food or even something more than food. Let me dig deeper and tie this together for you with more scripture! Psalm 16:5-6 says "you make my 'lot' secure" and in Esther 3:7 the word "lot" is also used when Haman threw lots to see what day the Jews' slaughter would be held.
The word "lot" here is the SAME Hebrew word as gift! The 3 words favor, portions (aka presents), and lots are interlaced. Beth declares, "No matter what life - or Satan himself - hands us, the favor God has on His children causes that "lot" to tumble out on the table in such a way that, instead of destruction the child will discover that her portion is turned into destiny one trusting step at a time. When all is said and done, she will see that the portion God assigned her was good. Right. Rich. Full of purpose."

Psalm 16:5 ESV "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot." This verse really spoke to me!

I have seen the goodness of my God! He has rescued me from my enemies. The day we can realize this... that God has the best plans for us when we follow Him, then we will have "a day of joy and feasting, a day for giving presents to eachother" (Esther 9:19, NIV)

Beth Moore states, "We glorify God when we celebrate our deliverance."

So I continue to share with you reflections of my redemption. As raw as it is,as painful as it's been, and as victorious as I stand. This blog is not about me. It's about my deliverance.... and that's about Jesus! So when I celebrate my deliverance by sharing my story with you (God called me to do so), then I am glorifying God! "God gave His one and only Son as His portion and we who receive Him have the joy of giving to others out of that lavish portion." - Beth

So, let me leave you with one last set of verses. Here is the original verse: Psalm 30:1-3,11-12 and here for you is my version and the account of my deliverance.

I will exalt You, O Lord, for You are my Redeemer and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O Lord my God, I called to You for help and You rescued me.

O Lord, You brought me up from the grave; you spared me from mental abuse, the perfection I once sought, and the hopelessness I once felt.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with righteousness, joy, kindness, gladness, hope, love, peace, and grace that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you praise forever!!

Better with Boundaries

For many years I have struggled with putting boundaries in place. Learning that it's okay to say no. Realizing that if I am unable to be apart of something or choose not to do it, then I am not in sin.

 I grew up in a home of high expectations. I was not allowed to have an opinion and I most certainly was not allowed to say no. However, my thoughts and attitudes were secretly expected to match those of my mother. This left me in a perpetual state of guessing her desires and trying to live up to them. That's a day in the life as a child of a narcissist. 

For many years I was in counseling. Learning who I was and who I'm not. Determining I'm not persistently in sin or bad for having my own thoughts & desires. Grasping this new idea of boundaries. Through counseling and reading books I realized that boundaries are a Christian thing to do. It's something God himself does. It is not sinful and it is not wrong and boundaries are actually a sign of being healthy!

I learned this concept about 5 years ago. Truly put it into practice 2 years ago. Fought for my life with it 1 year ago. Fought & won! It was a battle of boundaries to pull myself up from the mire I was sinking in and declare myself an adult Christian woman with a family who deserved to be treated respectfully & honorably. Psalm 69:14 "Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters." was my anthem... and God did that for me!

So yes, I was rescued! I fought the battle! I won the war! God and me!! Truthfully though, I still wrestle with my old demons of feeling "bad" and "unworthy" and "unrighteous" for setting boundaries. Even though over and over the Lord has revealed to me that I am not in sin. In fact, I am choosing to follow Him instead of the idols of pleasing people.

THEN!! This week in Esther the Lord revealed something big to me!! Esther set a HUGE boundary! Haman had set a date to kill her and all her people. She had gone before the King twice! The second time she revealed to him what Haman was planning... annihilation of her people. The King stormed out and Haman stayed behind with Esther to plead for his life. Harem protocol in those days was that no man should be alone with one of the King's women and even moreso, not within 7 feet! Haman, however, *fell on the couch* where Esther was laying. He really felt he had nothing more to lose! 

So let me pause for a moment. I've set boundaries and they weren't accepted well... at all. Later, after boundaries were kept in place, then I was given apologies. Half-hearted apologies. Not sincere ones. Just shame-inducing excuses to try and get me back into a place where I used to be.. under the influence of mental abuse. I didn't accept these apologies. Although, in my heart I had forgiven these boundary-less and merciless people who wreaked havoc in my life. I had taken them to the cross of Jesus and left them there for Him to heal and help. Because, honestly, I no longer could.

Now, returning to Esther. Beth Moore says, "I don't think she could take the chance that he or the situation would change. Furthermore, does begging for one's life equal repentance? Is anything more natural or instinctive than pleading for your own skin when it's in jeopardy?" I hear that! I recognize that sort of apology! It isn't for the sake of truly seeking repentance... it's purely for the advantage of someone else's reputation.

"So long as an enemy as powerful and shrewd as Haman lived he was a threat to Esther, Mordecai, and the Jewish community. To say here that Esther was merciless and unfeeling is to misinterpret the entire situation. Thus, while her heart might have prompted her to be merciful, logic and prudence restrained her." - Carey, Moore, The Anchor Bible Commentary.

So the truth is, Friends, boundaries are important. For all of us, even Queens of Persia! They aren't sinful or ungodly. They are necessary. Beth Moore states that if someone goes out of their way to harm someone else they're digging a pit. Psalm 7:15-16 "Whoever digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit they have made.The trouble they cause recoils on them;  their violence comes down on their own heads." Haman dug his pit. "Knowingly or not, Haman had placed himself in Satan's hands only to be betrayed by him. It happens every time." - Beth Moore. 

My family dug their pit by choosing to ignore me beseeching them for grace and extensions of mercy. For years, I asked them to listen to me instead of ignore me. To talk respectfully to my husband and me instead of calling me names or disparage my man. For years, I begged and cried. I demanded and hoped. I wrote letters and I waited. The pit was dug. As Beth says, "In effect Christ says, 'I'm already great enough for both of us,' relieving the willing of their woeful burden. 'Just follow Me.'" So I chose to lay down the life of mental abuse, and walk away.. as hard as that was.. to the life that Jesus had intended for me. I laid down my life and followed Jesus! 

So, I share this all with you to say that once again the Lord redeemed me this week from the shackles of fear. Fear that I am not a good person. Fear that I am sinful for setting boundaries. Fear that I am "bad". He continues to redeem me and set me free. He continues to rescue me and show me that I am His! 

I can identify with Paul in the Bible who says "But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me--and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the other apostles; yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace." 1 Corinthians 15:10

Preparation and Praise

I have to tell you.... within my heart... I can feel the Lord moving. I can feel Him calling my name. I can rest beside Him and He beside me and we can just be. I don't know how to put into words this feeling. I feel His presence so strongly right now and although we've been facing trials with my husband's secular job... I can feel His voice quietly within me speaking peace into the ears of my heart.

I feel He is calling me to something. I don't know what it is yet, but I cannot wait to find out either! I felt this way last Summer as the Lord was calling us into ministry and my husband had put resumes into the hands of many committees across the US. I could feel the magnitude of His glory surrounding us, preparing us, speaking mercy over us, and preparing our paths before us. It was a time of anxious anticipation. "Where will you take us, Lord?" "What will it be like, Father?" "Will we move far away?" "How do we tell our children?" For the record, He totally took care of everything... down to the last detail. Even our children were excited to move, which I know was nothing short of the grace of God! I had mentioned possibly moving to them months before (when we first felt the Holy Spirit whispering us in the direction of full-time ministry) and we were met with instant crying & fear from our two eldest children.

So tonight, my heart is just downright giddy. I know He is preparing me for something and I can't wait to find out what it is. He has shown us the way before and I know He will show me the way this time too! Last Summer, He prepared for us this place we are now. A place for full-time ministry that required a move 6 hours from home. It has had a few days of loneliness, but overall it's been an incredible source of blessing & joy to our family!



Everywhere I look I can see His hands at work! I want to share with you just how vast His love is! Our financial situation is t-i-g-h-t. So tight, if we tried to snap the "rubber band" of our budget elasticity it would pop! In the last month, Andy's hours were cut in his secular job. Cut in half! We have made it through, only by the grace of God, and we are praising Him that Andy's hours have gone back up to what we need!

In the meantime, our middle son's birthday is Saturday and he wants a basketball goal. A new goal is $100+ to get one for his age. We don't have $100 to spend on a birthday present. A friend of a friend happens to be selling a goal for $50. I wasn't sure how we were even going to afford $50, truthfully. God knew though! I still owe some money to a lady whose service I used for a homeschool need. I talked with her just last night and she offered to me that she wasn't in desperate need for the money and that if I need to pay part of it now and part of it later that she was willing to do that for us. (I had not mentioned our financial need. I did not ask her for this offering. It was simply emailed to me and an unexpected gift!) I was so thankful for that blessing, because now we could get the basketball goal! Only thing is we don't have a truck. So I spoke with the seller and her husband is willing to deliver it to us as we don't live too far from one another.

I know this seems trivial and minute. However, I beg you to reconsider. It proves to me that we serve an on-time God who cares about ALL of our needs.... and wants! He prepares the way for us... all the way down to a birthday present for our child. I am beyond thankful for this tapestry the Lord wove to work all of this out for us. God is so faithful, my Friends!



Do you have a moment in your life that may seem trivial from the outside, but YOU know that it's nothing short of God's glory being woven for you?