Attacks From The Enemy

Attacks from Satan can come in many packages. For the last 3 weeks I've been attacked in a major way. I'm a person who likes to be busy and I like structure. When that gets interrupted, then I start feeling unsure of myself. I waiver in my responses. I start down a spiral of self-condemnation and it's a battle that often leads me into sadness.

I have suffered 2 medical issues within the last 3 weeks. For me, who is never sick, then this was a major blow for me. One of them will require a minor, outpatient surgery in the coming weeks. Something I do not look forward to in the least.

Our youngest son had eye surgery in a location 3 hours from home which required multiple trips for pre-op, op, & post-op visits.

My husband's job felt uncertain, although it wasn't... it felt that way. Plus, it's easy to make things bigger in your mind then they really are.  That's exactly what satan wants, in fact.

I got some things in the mail from my family, whom I had to separate myself from due to extreme narcissism & abuse, and that mail wasn't welcome. It was shocking, in fact. It rocked me to my core. The mental & emotional abuse I've sustained throughout my life is a testimony to the redemption I now have in Jesus. I am grateful He rescued me from the abuse. When an "abuser" sends you things you aren't expecting, then it can easily strike fear within your heart.

Plus some other everyday issues that just added to the mix.

Then, a few days ago as I was trying to pull myself out of the sadness I was drowning in... I was *determined* to have a good day. I woke up and told our kids that we could go to the community pool. We got ready and headed there. It was 10 am and we realized once we got there that they don't open til 11. So we headed down the road to the park for an hour. Our middle son, 6 years old, was stung by a wasp while playing. We ended up still going to swim and thankfully they had a first aid kit and helped with the sting.

After we got home, then I realized I'd lost my driver's license along the way. I took it with me in our swimming bag so I wouldn't have to take my entire wallet. Alas, it was lost and nowhere to be found.

Next, before dinner while our daughter took a shower we realize there was a major leak from the bathtub and water was pouring into our 1/2 bath downstairs.

When it rains, it pours, doesn't it? Literally.... pours! Surprisingly, I was able to keep smiling and knowing that God is in control despite the irritations of the day!

When we feel uncertain and rocked to our core that's when we can trust in Jesus to be our certainty and be the rock that we need to hold us up!

Joshua 1:9

"This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." 

I love that this isn't a suggestion. It's a command! When we feel the lowest and feel as if we are in the pits of despair, then we can trust in the Lord, our God! He is with us!! With us wherever we go! Whether it's to the pool, the park, or at home! At church, at workplaces, at family gatherings, etc. We can trust and we can know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He is with us and we do not have to be discouraged.

It's during these times that I can look back and see the heartache & hardship, but know that God hasn't left me. Truthfully, friends, it's during these times that God is about to do something great that satan wants to squelch, so he will do whatever he can to get my focus off of God. I look forward to what the Lord has in store for me and I trust that He alone is my salvation and because of Him I am not afraid and I am not discouraged.

"Sometimes providence can be defined as times when God trumps your perfectly good plan with one of His own... then seems to disappear from it. Take heart, Beloved! He's right there and He's there right." -Beth Moore: Esther

What about you? Have you ever been attacked by satan in such a way that rocked you to your core only to see the Hand of God prevail?

Unlikely Calling

Growing up in a narcissistic world my mom taught me that beauty was skin deep. It wasn't our hearts that the Lord looked at. I strived to attain the perfection she sought. She wanted my hair fixed and my best outfit on. If my skirt was knee-length (as a teenager) then I was told I should wear it shorter. "Men prefer short skirts." I was told. I had long hair and would often wear it in a pony tail. "Men prefer your hair down. You should fix it because it's so beautiful down." People in public were ridiculed behind the closed doors of our vehicle & home. "She should not be wearing that." "That outfit does nothing for her body." "Did you see her stomach showing?" "She looks really fat in that outfit." The comments were constantly spoken into my ears.

I now know that my mother's narcissistic attempts to find anything wrong with other women of this world really just was an attempt to make herself feel better. To make herself think she's worthy. The narcissistic world is truly an insecure place to live in and be apart of. I am ever so grateful that the Lord pulled me out of the toxicity of never-met-perfection. So, if I can be real with you: I struggle with beauty. I like getting dressed up and putting on big earrings and wearing makeup. I prefer the way it looks on me and in turn it makes me confident in myself. Sometimes, however, I struggle with wanting to dress down. Not do my hair or makeup and wear sweats out of the house. It's not something I can bring myself to do... yet. I worry about the "mother's" out there who will criticize me behind closed doors. I am LEARNING that beauty isn't just skin deep. It's my heart that reflects the glory of the Lord upon my face that truly matters. It truly matters to the King!! I am a work in progress. One day, with His help, I will break the shackles of distorted beauty in my mind. I will be free to dress down and wear the beauty of the Lord upon my face while doing it. The glory of the Lord upon my face... *that* is beauty, my Friends!

Isaiah 60:1

So as I am studying Esther through Beth Moore I am learning a great deal from this book that's so full of God's glory without His name ever being mentioned. Esther was lovely, unlikely, and an orphan. God used her and I feel certain the Lord can use me. I am still waiting on Him to reveal to me how or why. I am just thankful He is calling me to some form of ministry and allowing me to be His vessel.  Some key things Beth Moore said while in the 2nd week of this study that I truly love:

God chose Esther in spite of what happened to her, not because of it.

You cannot amputate your history from your destiny.

Your past and your future share the same root. That root is Jesus! (Amen!)

God is attracted to weakness. It's in our weakness that He can make us strong!

The things that "are not" is what God uses to nullify the "not" (Are not lovely enough. Are not a good speaker. Are not trained enough. I mean, the list could be endless...)

So in a time of my life that I'm wishing the past would vanish and disappear from me. A time in my life that I am only able to find thanksgiving (Eucharisteo as Ann Voskamp speaks of) only in the Lord, because I struggle to find thanksgiving in every day life right now. A time in my life that I'm wishing I could wipe away all things hurtful. I am realizing that it's only through Him that I am made strong. "I cannot amputate my history from my destiny." The Lord has used that history to shape me and change me and make me, ME! It's only in Jesus that I can find redemption. It's only in Jesus that I continue to receive healing!

So the Lord used an unlikely, orphaned girl who was lovely to look at and with a lovely heart to save her people. I open myself up to the gifts the Lord has to offer me. I lay down at His feet and ask Him what He will have for me and to prepare me for what lies ahead. Knowing that if I will only be weak enough to ask, then He will make me strong enough to go forward into the unknown gifts He has planned for me.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

1 Corinthians 1:26-31 (NLT)
26 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy[a] when God called you. 27 Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. 28 God chose things despised by the world,[b] things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. 29 As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.

30 God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. 31 Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.”[c]

Is there anything in your life that you feel the Lord is calling you to?

Unexpected Miracles

Today we celebrate Josiah's 2nd Birthday!! I cannot believe he's already 2!


I share with so many people about him... he is our miracle boy! I was told it would take many drugs to get my body to a place (with PCOS) to be able to conceive a 3rd child. I had no problem conceiving my first two. However, my body had decided it hated me (lol) and therefore I was dealing with some major hormone issues. Not wanting to play God (this was my decision and I am respectful of anyone who does fertility treatments in order to have children, please don't misunderstand me. It was a personal choice for my husband and me.) I was SHOCKED to find out two months later that we were, indeed, pregnant! Shocked & overjoyed!!

At 8 weeks pregnant I was told that my uterus only measured 6 weeks and there was only the gestational sac. No baby. I was heartbroken. They drew my hcg levels and they were at 60,000. A normal ultrasound shows baby around 7,000 hcg. I was put on Progesterone and told "Call us when you start bleeding. It may happen this weekend. You'll come back in 2 weeks to see if we need to do anything next." I felt numb and for 2 weeks I cried and I prayed. It was a walk that I could only take to God. Andy couldn't help me. My big kids' love couldn't help me. The hardest part was when Lydia asked me after a few days of crying, "Mommy? Is our baby okay?" and I had to tell her I didn't know, but I was able to share with her that God DID know!

Then at 24 weeks pregnant I was having major braxton-hicks just from standing up. Even swimming did it to me. I thought it was due to 3rd pregnancy symptoms and a bit older than when my other 2 were born. Doctor confirmed it was changing my cervix and at week 27 I was put on FULL bedrest.

Friends at our church gathered around us. They helped us financially and they brought us 2 meals a day and cleaned our home once a week. I even had friends who would come and take my big kids out for a little while at a time. That was such a blessing to us! During a time of my life that I felt so utterly unloved  & uncared for by my (biological) family... these people were able to pick me up and love me.  It was a beautiful picture of Jesus to me.



We were told 2 other times that we may lose our baby. He wasn't thriving. I was leaking amniotic fluid. Etc. I dealt with infections, gestational diabetes, and beginning stages of pre-eclampsia. It was a very grueling pregnancy. But he is a true testimony to God's grace and through all of the love & support of our many friends and some of our family we were able to hold him off on being born until 39.5 weeks!

So this morning, I celebrate this beautiful boy that the Lord has graciously given to us for 2 years. However, I also celebrate the faithfulness and love of a mighty God. Jehovah Rapha- God who heals! He healed our son and He also used that time to help heal my very broken heart.

My Doctor told me that this strenuous pregnancy would probably not repeat itself (Especially since my first 2 were so healthy) and so if the Lord ever decides to bless again, then I am thankful to know it will probably not be the same. I feel certain the Lord used that time to show me His love and protection for me and for my family. Sometimes, He works in mysterious ways. <3

Named: Josiah = Jesus Saves    

David = Beloved  1 Samuel 1:27 

"I prayed for the Lord to give me this boy and He has answered my request."

My High Tower

Do you ever have days that you feel like nothing is right? The kids are fighting, the dishes are piled high, the husband's work is stressful, and loneliness is creeping in. Maybe you're a professional and just lost your job or were late for the meeting at work after spilling coffee in your lap. You're a student who overslept and missed the big test that determined 1/3 of your grade for the semester. The list could really be endless, right? 

Courtesy of
http://www.blastingart.com/art/gallery/Frazzled-Mom

Satan loves to come in and steal our joy! He loves nothing more than to take us to the brink of insanity. You know...when we're just short of needing a straight jacket in pink with rhinestones. I have days like that and lately I've had more than I've wanted. It's Summer and I love Summertime. However, with a 1 year old who just had surgery and an 8 & 6 year old begging for attention. All the while, my husband is dealing with some issues at work and truthfully Friends.. it can feel lonely some days.

However, this verse: Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.”  is a great reminder of who God is! 

Our rock... a constant foundation when all else seems rocky.

Our fortress... a place to hide from the enemies of this life (especially satan).

Our deliverer... He will rescue us from this hardship.

Our God... the Creator of the Universe, the Alpha & Omega, the King of kings... He will not leave us stranded.

Our strength... when we have none, then He will go before us and provide it for us.

Our buckler... Our defender and protector - He keeps us from harm.

Our horn of salvation... He is our salvation & strength with prosperity & triumph.

Our high tower... He will lift us up and keep us safe from all corruption of this world.

So when we feel overwhelmed by this world we can remember together what the truths of Psalm 18:2 holds... our God will never fail us and He will protect us and rescue us from all calamity! So, claim that verse for yourself today! Whether it be hardship in life overall, a job, or the throes of motherhood God's grace is always sufficient!

What is your favorite verse when you're dealing with the harshness of this life?

Idols